Allergies.

It really sucks to have allergies in the summer. With the stuffy nose, and headaches. I feel so annoyed right now. Everything's bugging me.

I feel sleepy.

I'm gonna go take a nap. Hopefully.





:/

....

Tomorrow's the big day. Tomorrow's the day when we decide whether we're going or staying. I'm anxious. A bit nervous. I just want it to be done with already.

Yeah.

It really sucks not being in touch with Andy with my phone anymore; he works from 1 to 5 today, but I haven't heard at all from him. It's already 6:37. I'm a bit worried. I hope he's okay.

I have to make something to eat. Hopefully I hear from him soon. I love you, baby<3

What is

the point of drinking?

Someone explain it to me in a reasonable matter, cause it doesn't make sense to me anymore. Tell me why I can't get the idea that drinking isn't necessary into most people's minds.

Your Mouth Is Like A Magazine.

I know I've said this before, but one thing that I really hate the most is when people talk crap about a situation that they have absolutely NO clue about. It's so annoying and immature. I swear, it's like people just talk cause they have a mouth. They think that their world is always going to be okay. That they're never going to go through anything bad just because they have everything right now. It's so stupid.

I'm tired of hearing so many people talk their crap about my parents. Saying that they're just lazy and crap. My dad has a HERNIATED DISK, retards. My dad is a strong man, mentally and physically. If my dad could take the pain, he would be working. If he's not working it's not cause he's being lazy. It's because he really can't take the pain. Ugh! And even after everything you did to break my parents' heart, they were still there for you, and you repay them like this?

'I don't talk to Lourdes because she always complains about how she never has money. I think she says that cause she expects me to give her money...'

No, that's not why she talks to you. She talks to you because your her family. Her sister. She wants someone to be there for her, because she doesn't have her family anymore. She thought that things would change between all you guys, but it didn't. You guys only keep screwing us all over. I don't care if you don't talk about me; you're hurting my mom. If you're hurting my mom then you're hurting my whole family.

Next time you ask me to go to your house and I say no, then you know why. I don't care if you get butt hurt or anything.

I honestly hope you learn to grow up and not judge things the way you do now. If you only knew everything my family has gone through to get to where we are. If you only knew the pain you all caused my mom; but honestly, I hope you guys are living good lives. I won't wish you bad. I'll pray that you learn from this and that you grow up. I hope that you learn to appreciate all the good stuff you have, because life is too short, and a lot of the time when you least expect it, you'll lose what you have.

Stupid Technology.

I get that we're not born with phones or iPod Touches, but really? Ha. Man, this has been a hell of a week; and it's only Wednesday.

First, phones are disconnected Monday, so I have to depend on this weak ass signal to keep me in touch with Andy and Jenny, which sucks cause it's super slow and it goes off every like half hour or so.

I also got new music on Monday from Monica's computer, and I was all excited and I made a playlist last night, and now my iPod or iTunes just deleted everything off my iPod except for my apps today. It's all acting stupid now. I don't know if it was iTunes or the iPod, but either way it sucks. That's about the only thing I had to keep me distracted. And I can't restart it either cause it just stops in the middle of it restarting.

Maybe I will go to the Y with my family today. I need it...

Hopefully things get better soon. For my family, Andy, me, and for everyone else.

I'm not a Debbie Downer, haha. I'm still hopeful, and I have faith that everything will turn out fine. It just sucks that everyone around me is going through something, and there's nothing I can do to help.

AND now, I might have to transfer over to Alta Loma High. How gay is that? Another transfer. But whatever. It's just high school to me now. Nothing to be excited or thrilled about. I just want to graduate and get start my life already so that I don't end up like this with my family. I don't want prom, or grad night, or senior pics, or a letterman jacket, or a class ring, or to go to any of the dances; I just want to finish, and get started with college and my career.

It may be sad that I see things this way, but reality is high school is just high school. In the end, it doesn't matter what you did, as long as you graduate and get a life somehow.

The Night...

is no longer young for me.


But stress and anger made it get old, ha.


I'll be back to blog soon hopefully.


Goodnight.

Playing Pretend Takes a Lot More Than Just Wigs and Make Up.

Everything is so confusing. She's confusing. I honestly don't know anymore.

The thing that I'm most angry and hurt about is that nobody ever let me have a say-so in whatever happened. Everything is always being discussed behind my back or around me. Sure, I hear about it, but then it just makes me even more angry that I've never been able to speak my mind about the whole situation.

This whole issue has been based on 'well, he said...' and 'well, she said...', but what about what I had to say?? Nobody ever bothered to ask me. I get that this whole relationship went back for a few years or whatever, but I still feel that I have a say in whatever's being done and how I've been judged by a lot of so-called 'friends'.

Apologies through text aren't fair to me. They never have been. If everyone can apologize to others face to face, then I think that I deserve to have that face to face apology too, along with the opportunity to discuss whatever happened. But no, I never got that chance.

Honestly, this whole situation is just tired for me. It's been like what, over a year and everyone is still angry? I don't know anymore, honestly. I'm just tired of it all. It's honestly stupid.

Stuck in Reality.

I've been phoneless for two whole days now : It really sucks. It's not that I'm materialistic, but it was the only thing that kept Andy and I linked together as in us knowing how we're feeling or doing and if we're okay.

Oh well, things happen for a reason I guess. Hopefully my dad's court case sends us money like asap. We need it :p

We don't even have a house phone, haha. How lame is that? Haha.

Uhh, guess we just have to wait a few more weeks. Nothing I can't handle...

We're Bringing Down the House.

Oh, yeah, we're bringing down the house alright.

We were just having a family discussion about leaving this house. I'm not gonna lie, I was mad at first, but we have to do what we have to do. My dad's a diabetic, he can't take so much stress. His blood sugar can go up, then he'll start feeling sick. My mom suffers from anxiety. She can't be stressing so much cause she gets sick, too.

Ugh, it's just so much stress. I feel desperate. Now, it's not that I just want a job anymore; I need one.

I'm honestly desperate.


jahdsgfuiha


:/

Happy Birthday, Daddy! (:

Haha, today was fun thanks to Andy<33



Took my family out to El Siete Mares restaurant in Pomona. And we all had a really great time. I love the mariachi from there; haha, I'm such a beaner :p




But I don't care, I got to sing with them and my baby; it was really fun (:
Then my grandma sang Happy Birthday to my dad, and my uncle Jose sang too!
Awww, I hadn't heard him sing in forever...



All in all, it was a great night.





We laughed, and joked, and talked, and sang the whole night. We haven't been out like that as a family in such a long time! Thank you so much, baby<33 We owe you big time!




I know my dad really enjoyed it. That was the most important thing. Thank you, my love, for everything! Muah!<333




Happy 37th Birthday, Daddy!<33
I love you<33

Cockroaches of the Sea.

Now I KNOW why they call them that!





I had to peel shrimp AND clean them out, which means touch their poop.





It was soooo nasty :/




Ew.
Aha.

And Her Name Was Happy....

It's nice to have someone that understands where you're coming from. Someone who knows what your history is. Personally, I don't like my past, but I love how I can look back and reminisce and realize how much I've changed.

I went from being this depressed, angry girl to being someone who loves life and can find a bright side to most things now. The change in my life can only be viewed as a good thing. I love God and try to put him before any decision I make more often now.

I've run into a lot of people these past few schools that I've been to and not one person has made as much of an impact on me like Andy has. I'm more than honored to call him my boyfriend and to be able to be apart of his life is simply a blessing. He has taught me so much, and I'm still learning from him. I love spending everyday with him.

And I also love how he believed that I was going to grow and make a change for myself. Nobody has ever shown so much strength in watching me grow as he has done for me. Without him, I know that I would not be the person that I am today. I may not have many friends at all, but I know damn well that this man is my best friend.

I don't care what anybody else has to say about me being in his life cause now I know why they don't like me or this relationship. They're angry with the fact that from the day he met me, we've been inseperable. He spends every second of his day with me whether it's through text or if he's sitting right next to me. Reality of this whole situation is that everyone's angry because he'd rather be spending time with a seventeen year old. Another fact is that I think I act more mature than any of his friends ever have. That kind of amazes me.

I don't need to be rude and talk crap about people behind their backs just to make me feel important or above anyone else. I'm myself I don't need the world's attention to know that I'm worthy of something. Yeah, I may not have brand new clothes or I may not be as pretty as others are, but I at least have my dignity rather than to just talk crap about something that I know absolutely nothing about and make an ass of myself.

I know that there are those out there that can't stand me, and that's okay, I don't need you in my life. But you have to learn that in life you can't always get what you want. If Andy's not in your life, then you know why. He's in mine because I was there for him and I talked to him not just when I needed him, but HE needed someone to be there. If you don't have him in your life it's because you took him for granted. You felt that he was only going to be there for you when you needed him to. Well, you were wrong.

Take advantage of the things you have because in life, you won't know what have until it's gone. That's a promise. And that's the truth. I've leaarned that. My friends have learned that. And now you've learned that. Andy isn't just a friend. He is an amazing friend that everyone wants to have. But if you can't learn to grow up and keep up at his pace, you'll lose him.

The reason why he and I don't have many friends isn't cause we chose not to. The people around us just chose to quit and not keep up. But that's okay cause in the end, it all comes down to just Andy and Debbie. I have him, which is something you all are angry about and I don't care, and he has me until the bitter end.

So go ahead and keep talking. It's your loss anyway. (:

Yay (:

It's been a while since I've blogged, haha. I miss it...

Things have been good lately. Had a friend living with me for like two days. I miss her<3 But hopefully she's doing better now.

Uhh, my phone's about to be disconnected soon, so I apologize to anyone trying to reach me in like a week or two for not answering, ha. My dad has his court case in a couple of weeks; we're anxious for that to come. It'll determine what's going to happen next month. If I'm staying here for senior year or not. Not too excited for that, but whatever God wants to give me, I will take because I love him (:

I need to get out more often though. Things with the parents are getting a bit edgy...
Hopefully I can get that job Reba's trying to get me. If not, then oh well. Nothing new, ha. I'll just have to keep trying.

Oh, and today is Andy's and my One Year and Six Month Anniversay<33 I'm so happily in love with him ((: He makes me so happy. We're supposed to go to the Olive Garden today :D Haven't been there since Valentine's Day. I'm excited, haha.

So yeah, that's pretty much it. I can't wait to start my senior year on August 10th. Finally! Hopefully I can keep up at least a 3.0 GPA, haha. Haven't done that in a while. I should be able to since four of my classes will be electives (: I'm so proud of myself for making it this far even though I didn't exactly have a 4.0 GPA all these years. But I'm here, where a lot of people aren't. And I'm gonna graduate which a lot of people don't do, ha.

Well, that's it for now I guess. Gonna go talk to my Penguin. I miss him. Didn't see him today :/

Well, goodnight (:

Big Girls DO Cry

We find it everywhere
It's deep within this ground
This life our worlds have intertwined
We learn to let it go
And we leave it all behind

To play pretend and laugh out loud
We forgive the euphoric pain
Your shattered voice
I don't want it anymore
Scream away the hurt

Let's not pretend to fight
But don't cry, let's try to let it go
I don't want to
It's what's right

To play pretend and laugh out loud
We forgive the euphoric pain
Your shattered voice
I don't want it anymore
Hush away the hurt

Pen to paper, ink to skin
Cry the letters
Except what's deep within...

Sometimes Sane Isn't So Sane...

Sometimes insanity isn't so insane
And kids aren't such a pain
A left turn can turn out to be right
But the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

A glimpse of hope is tattered apart
And then you learn it was never your heart
The other cheek has not been turned
Is this a mistake?
Are these even the right words?

Someone, anyone; Am I even alive?
Hello...? Hello...?

I give and I give; What is this world?
And how will I survive?

Maybe sane isn't so sane
And maybe perfect was never so perfect
So lost, so lost

We cry in unison...

A perfect mistake to end this equation.