is a band Andy's in. They are super amazing! I love their music, and I'm Andy's number one fan!! haha. Well anyway, for anyone interested, they are playing at The Wire in Upland on Friday, November 13th, and at the Glasshouse in Pomona on Sunday, November 15th!! The tickets are selling for $10 bucks. So if you guys want to hear really amazing, inspirational music, GO, GO, GO!!! Help support them!!!!
Also they will be selling merchandise soon, so anyone interested in going to their shows hit me up on myspace: myspace.com/straightjacketkid
I will hopefully be attending the show on the 15th and I definitely hope to see you there!!! Thanks for your support!!! (:
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Almsot Literally Walking Taller.
This is the longest that I've gone without writing in such a long time. And the sad thing about it is that I have internet, ha. Well, things have been a bit better in some ways I presume. I still have a 3.6 GPA, and I've kept my weight off. I'm still at 183. Uh, for Andy and me? Well, things are working out better I believe. I still don't see him everyday, but three days out of the week is way better than seeing him only once a week. We haven't really fought in the past few weeks, which I know is a good thing.
Thank God that he's stood by my side this whole time. I honestly believe that without him, I would just go insane. I honestly hate being home. It kind of feels like I live alone a lot of the time. Everyone's always on their own. Dad's on the computer or watching a movie, Mom's cooking or talking to my nina or just on her own, Rene's on the computer, and the girls are always in Vivi's room; as for me, I just try to find ways to keep busy too, I guess. Sometimes, it's impossible to do that here though. It's too quiet. And it's the same routine everyday.
I'll wake up, go to school, and come home to nothing. It's sad that sometimes I make myself have homework just so that I have something to do. But it's fine, I guess. I have three A's and 2 B's right now. Don't know if I will for sure have my 4.0 by the end of the sememster, but I'm working at it.
Lately though, I know that God's been helping me out. Like my mom's been cooperating with me about going to see Andy once or twice a week and that's a plus from seeing him on Sundays. Also, Andy got promoted at work, so now he sell's guitars and his pay is higher, and he seems a lot healthier and happier. I'm so happy for him. Although, sometimes, I wish I could be better for him. But I'm really trying my best. I honestly am. I try to go as many times as I can to see him, but gas money is a drag to find. Sometimes, I have to dig for quarters in a drawer and in the car and stuff, haha, but honestly who doesn't do that nowadays?
Yeah, looking for a job up here is the worst. I've applied at a bunch of shopping centers, but most of them are empty a lot of the time, so since business is slow, a lot of stores really don't need people. Ah, economy. I hate it.
But yeah, like I was saying, he got promoted and well, now he has his days off Thursdays and Sundays, and since we go to Rialto every Sunday, I will officially get to spend one whole day with him instead of spending two or three hours with him only. Thank you, God. It feels good to be able to do that. I miss him a lot of the time, but lately I've been seeing more of him, so that's a good thing for our relationship. Uhm, what else is going on?...
Oh, yeah, I dropped choir. It was just getting to be too much on my family and me with the whole money issue. I mean, we barely have enough money to afford for gas and such things, I felt selfish for having to ask for money for a dress and trips cause I know that that money will benefit my family more. Plus, the stress was getting to be too much. Yeah, I could've raised the money somehow, but the truth is, I already have enough to worry about. I honestly didn't want to have to stress anymore than I really need to. And plus it was also a few other things that were bothering me in that class, so I just dropped it. Now, I'm just a TA for my English teacher, Mrs. Thomas. Haha, but I'm the only student in her class cause I'm a TA for her prep period, so sometimes, I have to wait outside and people think I'm ditching, haha.
Honestly, and sadly, I feel less stressed now that I dropped it. My day goes by soo much quicker and I feel like I have a small weight lifted off my shoulders. Yeah, I've taken choir for five years, but this year it just became too much for me. I do miss singing, but what can I do? For now, I just have to focus on my family, which includes Andy, and graduating.
Life at this point is... better? Nah, I'm not really sure if I can say better, but it doesn't feel as miserable as it did a month and a half ago. I mean, I miss home so so so so much. I still miss seeing bums in the street and I miss liquor stores, and not having to drive ten to fifteen minutes to the nearest Wal Mart or Stater Bros. and I miss waiting for Andy to come home and I miss being held by him and I miss being able to do my own thing in my own house and I miss living in a city that's not too loud, but it's not empty, and there's SOME type of ghetto going on, haha. I miss home.
I know that this year, my holidays are gonna be soo much worse than any other year. Most of all cause I won't be at home. I think that helped me feel a bit of spirit. Just knowing that you're home and that you have the person you love most to cuddle with. I really miss that. But who knows? Maybe I can spend half of the holidays with Andy's family and then come home and spend the rest with mine. I don't know. I'll have to make the best of it somehow. But to make matters worse, this is the third year that I've known Andy and I still won't be able to get him anything. I know that he doesn't expect anything, but I wish I could at least give him something small. He deserves it and so much more for all that he's done for me and my family.
All I can do for now, is look forward to a new year. A better year hopefully. One where there will be less struggles. One where I can possibly go home. One where I can start my own life. Possibly have a car, a little bit of money, and gas at all times. One where my dad won't have to worry as much. Oh, God, how I wish for nothing more than for my family not struggle so much anymore. They don't deserve it. I know that we as a family deserve so much better. If anything, we've been there to help soo many people. What have we done wrong? Where did we go wrong?...
Well, all I can do is hope and pray for more strength. For now, I have to be strong. I will proceed my findings for a job, and keep my head up, and keep my GPA up, and keep working on my relationship with Andy. Those are my priorities for now. Well, it was nice to do this and catch up a little on blogging. Happy Halloween to everyone. And for those out there partying and having a good time, be careful. Thanks for reading. God bless!
Thank God that he's stood by my side this whole time. I honestly believe that without him, I would just go insane. I honestly hate being home. It kind of feels like I live alone a lot of the time. Everyone's always on their own. Dad's on the computer or watching a movie, Mom's cooking or talking to my nina or just on her own, Rene's on the computer, and the girls are always in Vivi's room; as for me, I just try to find ways to keep busy too, I guess. Sometimes, it's impossible to do that here though. It's too quiet. And it's the same routine everyday.
I'll wake up, go to school, and come home to nothing. It's sad that sometimes I make myself have homework just so that I have something to do. But it's fine, I guess. I have three A's and 2 B's right now. Don't know if I will for sure have my 4.0 by the end of the sememster, but I'm working at it.
Lately though, I know that God's been helping me out. Like my mom's been cooperating with me about going to see Andy once or twice a week and that's a plus from seeing him on Sundays. Also, Andy got promoted at work, so now he sell's guitars and his pay is higher, and he seems a lot healthier and happier. I'm so happy for him. Although, sometimes, I wish I could be better for him. But I'm really trying my best. I honestly am. I try to go as many times as I can to see him, but gas money is a drag to find. Sometimes, I have to dig for quarters in a drawer and in the car and stuff, haha, but honestly who doesn't do that nowadays?
Yeah, looking for a job up here is the worst. I've applied at a bunch of shopping centers, but most of them are empty a lot of the time, so since business is slow, a lot of stores really don't need people. Ah, economy. I hate it.
But yeah, like I was saying, he got promoted and well, now he has his days off Thursdays and Sundays, and since we go to Rialto every Sunday, I will officially get to spend one whole day with him instead of spending two or three hours with him only. Thank you, God. It feels good to be able to do that. I miss him a lot of the time, but lately I've been seeing more of him, so that's a good thing for our relationship. Uhm, what else is going on?...
Oh, yeah, I dropped choir. It was just getting to be too much on my family and me with the whole money issue. I mean, we barely have enough money to afford for gas and such things, I felt selfish for having to ask for money for a dress and trips cause I know that that money will benefit my family more. Plus, the stress was getting to be too much. Yeah, I could've raised the money somehow, but the truth is, I already have enough to worry about. I honestly didn't want to have to stress anymore than I really need to. And plus it was also a few other things that were bothering me in that class, so I just dropped it. Now, I'm just a TA for my English teacher, Mrs. Thomas. Haha, but I'm the only student in her class cause I'm a TA for her prep period, so sometimes, I have to wait outside and people think I'm ditching, haha.
Honestly, and sadly, I feel less stressed now that I dropped it. My day goes by soo much quicker and I feel like I have a small weight lifted off my shoulders. Yeah, I've taken choir for five years, but this year it just became too much for me. I do miss singing, but what can I do? For now, I just have to focus on my family, which includes Andy, and graduating.
Life at this point is... better? Nah, I'm not really sure if I can say better, but it doesn't feel as miserable as it did a month and a half ago. I mean, I miss home so so so so much. I still miss seeing bums in the street and I miss liquor stores, and not having to drive ten to fifteen minutes to the nearest Wal Mart or Stater Bros. and I miss waiting for Andy to come home and I miss being held by him and I miss being able to do my own thing in my own house and I miss living in a city that's not too loud, but it's not empty, and there's SOME type of ghetto going on, haha. I miss home.
I know that this year, my holidays are gonna be soo much worse than any other year. Most of all cause I won't be at home. I think that helped me feel a bit of spirit. Just knowing that you're home and that you have the person you love most to cuddle with. I really miss that. But who knows? Maybe I can spend half of the holidays with Andy's family and then come home and spend the rest with mine. I don't know. I'll have to make the best of it somehow. But to make matters worse, this is the third year that I've known Andy and I still won't be able to get him anything. I know that he doesn't expect anything, but I wish I could at least give him something small. He deserves it and so much more for all that he's done for me and my family.
All I can do for now, is look forward to a new year. A better year hopefully. One where there will be less struggles. One where I can possibly go home. One where I can start my own life. Possibly have a car, a little bit of money, and gas at all times. One where my dad won't have to worry as much. Oh, God, how I wish for nothing more than for my family not struggle so much anymore. They don't deserve it. I know that we as a family deserve so much better. If anything, we've been there to help soo many people. What have we done wrong? Where did we go wrong?...
Well, all I can do is hope and pray for more strength. For now, I have to be strong. I will proceed my findings for a job, and keep my head up, and keep my GPA up, and keep working on my relationship with Andy. Those are my priorities for now. Well, it was nice to do this and catch up a little on blogging. Happy Halloween to everyone. And for those out there partying and having a good time, be careful. Thanks for reading. God bless!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
7 Days
'til we go to Knott's Scary Farm :DD
How exciting!!
p.s. I've been a bit hopeful.
I know things will get better...
<3
How exciting!!
p.s. I've been a bit hopeful.
I know things will get better...
<3
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Broadcast to You From a Mind and Soul Under Construction.
For those of you who are blessed enough to be where you'll never know you truly wanted to be,
appreciate it.
I know that this may not make much sense for most of you out there,
but only if you've been through the things that I've experienced,
you would know what I mean.
Nobody will ever know how much pain it costs to not be able to be near the one you love so dearly,
or to have to carry this huge smile on your face, when in all reality, you feel it.
You feel that you're whole world is falling apart, and it's up to only you now to hold everything together.
Nobody knows what it's like to have your entire life just brutally torn away from you within a matter of days. Unless you've been in my shoes for at least five minutes, you'll never know.
Everyone has their story to tell.
I have mine.
My life may not be as bad as others economic-wise,
but I've lived quite enough to know what pain is.
Pain is loving your family so much,
that when both your parents can't work,
you have to see your little sisters wear hand-me-downs,
and not be able to enjoy the life of a normal childhood.
Pain is spending every single day with the only person that has your heart,
and then one day,
you can only spend one day a week with him,
and then everything begins to fall apart.
Pain is trying to hold love together on your own.
Pain is not having stability or security.
Pain is not being able to do one fucken thing.
Pain is having to sit back and watch everything happen when you feel, believe,
and know that it just takes one phone call to fix everything.
Pain is loving to sing more than anything in this world,
but now everytime that you talk out loud for more than ten minutes,
your voice begins to hurt.
Pain is believing that the world doesn't always revolve around money,
and then getting proved completely wrong.
Pain is what my life is about.
It may not be physical pain.
It may not seem as difficult as it reads,
but this is my life.
This is the pain that I go through daily.
Only I will ever know what this feels like in my heart,
because this is my life.
For those of you that complain because you don't like where you live and you have your own house;
For those of you that say you're in love with your boyfriend and have the privilege of being able to see them everyday, but you don't because 'you get annoyed by them';
For those of you that can have and can get what you want and need that you just need to ask your parents for the money and they can give it to you within the snap of a finger;
For those of you who think that you can't;
Learn to appreciate that you have your own house.
Learn to appreciate that you can see your boyfriend everyday.
Learn to appreciate that you can have exactly what you want when you want it.
And for those of you that think that you can't, always remember, and believe that you can...
My life is officially under construction.
I don't want any interruptions.
So if I don't talk to you, or respond back to you,
I'm sorry.
But I have things to fix.
And I will fix them.
Things will be bigger, and better than they ever were.
I promise.
appreciate it.
I know that this may not make much sense for most of you out there,
but only if you've been through the things that I've experienced,
you would know what I mean.
Nobody will ever know how much pain it costs to not be able to be near the one you love so dearly,
or to have to carry this huge smile on your face, when in all reality, you feel it.
You feel that you're whole world is falling apart, and it's up to only you now to hold everything together.
Nobody knows what it's like to have your entire life just brutally torn away from you within a matter of days. Unless you've been in my shoes for at least five minutes, you'll never know.
Everyone has their story to tell.
I have mine.
My life may not be as bad as others economic-wise,
but I've lived quite enough to know what pain is.
Pain is loving your family so much,
that when both your parents can't work,
you have to see your little sisters wear hand-me-downs,
and not be able to enjoy the life of a normal childhood.
Pain is spending every single day with the only person that has your heart,
and then one day,
you can only spend one day a week with him,
and then everything begins to fall apart.
Pain is trying to hold love together on your own.
Pain is not having stability or security.
Pain is not being able to do one fucken thing.
Pain is having to sit back and watch everything happen when you feel, believe,
and know that it just takes one phone call to fix everything.
Pain is loving to sing more than anything in this world,
but now everytime that you talk out loud for more than ten minutes,
your voice begins to hurt.
Pain is believing that the world doesn't always revolve around money,
and then getting proved completely wrong.
Pain is what my life is about.
It may not be physical pain.
It may not seem as difficult as it reads,
but this is my life.
This is the pain that I go through daily.
Only I will ever know what this feels like in my heart,
because this is my life.
For those of you that complain because you don't like where you live and you have your own house;
For those of you that say you're in love with your boyfriend and have the privilege of being able to see them everyday, but you don't because 'you get annoyed by them';
For those of you that can have and can get what you want and need that you just need to ask your parents for the money and they can give it to you within the snap of a finger;
For those of you who think that you can't;
Learn to appreciate that you have your own house.
Learn to appreciate that you can see your boyfriend everyday.
Learn to appreciate that you can have exactly what you want when you want it.
And for those of you that think that you can't, always remember, and believe that you can...
My life is officially under construction.
I don't want any interruptions.
So if I don't talk to you, or respond back to you,
I'm sorry.
But I have things to fix.
And I will fix them.
Things will be bigger, and better than they ever were.
I promise.
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