Best Accomplishment By Far.

These past few weeks have been pretty hectic and really stressful for me, and the stress will continue to happen, but thanks to this stress, I've lost 17 pounds since August.

I am now back to weighing 183, and this was all without a diet, ha.

I will be back down to my size 11 pants in no time (:

Okay,

I lied. So what? We're all human right? Well, things aren't back exactly to the way they were, but I'm working on it.

My short term goals right now are:
_Get a job
_Pass this sememster with a 4.0 GPA
_Fix everything with you<3
_Buy Christmas presents for you and my family

Yeah, it's a lot, but I believe that once I find a job, it all should be downhill from there. With the help from God, I will keep my strength, and accomplish these goals. I promise.

Unfortunately Unfortunate.

It's officially here. That point in which I feel hopeless. I feel broken. I feel alone...

Too much has happened to write about.

I kind of want to stop blogging for a while; I'm drained. My heart has never felt so much pain. I hate my life.

I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

All I want to do is sleep because dreaming is the only thing that seems logical, and fair at this point.
I hate this!!!! I want him back! I want him back! I NEED HIM.

It's not fair that the only thing stable that I have in my life gets torn away from me. I'm so depressed. I can't even leave this house. I'm so angry!

I just want to sleep. It's the only thing that seems logical at this point in life.

I won't be blogging for a while for those who care or are just being nosy.
Idk how long it will be. I just don't want to do anything right now...

I quit writing.

Have a goodnight everyone, and be grateful that you're not me.

Bye.

So, my dad's back got better. I think, ha. Thank God.


And I have lame homework that I have to get to.




Eh.




P.S. My phone just started acting up bad.

New Goal:

Pass econ with an A.

I have a test tomorrow that I know I'm gonna fail for sure, so I just know I have to work twice as hard on the next chapter.

Lame.

I will pass with an A.

Life In Perris.

It's only been a week and a half, and I already miss hearing the sound of police cars, couples fighting, and some type of birds chirping. I even miss seeing hobos on the corner of streets, ha. It's so quiet here. Don't get me wrong, it's a really nice area, but it's not my scene. I miss living in very polluted areas, and hearing a bunch of cars pass by my house. I miss not having to drive twenty minutes to the nearest Wal Mart, or Stater Bros.

And school is... uhh, small? Ha.

Okay, so after the whole 'Blue Hands' blog, I didn't go to school on Monday which was supposed to be my last day at Chaffey. I was still way too sick to attend, sadly. Which I now regret because now, I am a whole week and a half behind in econ, and I have NO IDEA what they're talking about over here.

Oh yeah, yesterday was my first day of school here in Perris. The school is called Rancho Something High. I keep forgetting. It was a long, stressful day. I have to take Health over here because it's required for graduation over here, which I find annoying because i'm stuck in a class full of a bunch of crappy sophomores. I have to take a psychology class to make up for the elective where I was a T.A. for Mr. Lewis at Chaffey. The teacher seems pretty cool though. I hope it's as interesting as I thought it would be. Econ is a pain in the butt. I feel like I'm so behind, and I'm so lost.

On the plus side, their choir seems really interesting. All of the kids in the class are really friendly, and they're really good. And they travel. They plan on going to Seattle in the spring. The down side is that it costs $750 dollars per student. And they don't do fundraisers. They want to us to pay off the trip in monthly payments until we get to $750 by springtime. It sucks for me, cause I don't have $150 to give for a deposit, and even if I did, how do I even know if I'm still going to be here by the end of the school year? It'll just be a waste of money. Their dresses cost $85 dollars as well. I'm thinking of just dropping choir for this year. It seems too expensive for my family's conditions. I don't know. It's still something to ponder deeply about.

As for Andy's and my relationship, it's gotten really tough on us. Imagine going from seeing the person you love most everyday to seeing them only on the weekends. It's really, really hard. Especially because we are the only thing each other has. I miss him more and more everyday. Yes, I do have my license, but it's still difficult for me, because my family and I only have one car. It's hard to go out and be with him for just two hours because my family will probably need the car that day for something else. And to make matters worse, I don't even have a cell phone. My family shares one phone, and the majority of the time, my brother has it, or my mom's using it to talk to my grandma and talk to others as well. I feel bad asking for it and hogging it up for a whole day. Thank God I just got Internet though. Right now, that's all I can count on. I'd be so lost without it, ha.

Oh, and to add on to my whole sob story, my dad's back is really messed up again. He can barely walk. That whole situation with his back is a big mess. I just want my dad's court case to settle already. I would explain more into detail what exactly is going on, but it's too much to explain.

Well, yeah. That's been my whole experience here in Perris for now. I know, I sound like I'm complaining a lot and that I'm not grateful for what I have, but reality is, I am grateful. We have a roof over our heads, food on the table, health (well, most of us anyway), etc.I'm really happy for that. I know that God is putting us through this all for a good reason. We just have to be more patient and see what's next, and wait for some kind of sign. In the meantime, I have to work on staying positive, being there for my family, and Andy, and trying to keep my grade up in econ. Yeah, I miss home a lot, but the only left to do is move on and keep my head held high, right?