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"patience is the key to life."

This is what I always say. I always knew what it meant, and even though I thought I did, I guess I never really believed in it until now.

Surprisingly, this year has started off very well for me. Regardless of all of the pain and heartbreak that I've put myself through these past few months, my life has really turned around. All I needed was patience.

A lot of the times, we give advice, but don't take it, and for once, I finally took my own, and it worked.

On New Year's Eve, I finally decided to put everything in the hands of God. I told Him that from that point on I was letting go. My new year was going to start off according to what he wanted me to do. I was no longer going to try to control my life. And I know that nobody is supposed to try to control their life and that you should always leave your life in the hands of God, but the ugly truth is that before we know it, the majority of the time, we tend to forget that God is there and we end up wanting to take control because we don't like what we have coming up against us. But this time, I decided to let go. The breakup, Andy, how miserable I was about moving out here, and so many other things were going to be put behind me and I was going to walk ahead with my chin up.

Right when I said this to myself and God, my heart felt such a weight lifted off its fragile-self, and it felt like someone had just sprinkled pixie dust on me or waved a magic wand over my body. I didn't feel this way instantly, but within a few days after that, things felt like they were falling into place.

I made a new friend out here, and when I started school, I actually felt a bit happy and excited. I was beginning to feel happy with deciding to stay here in Perris. Of course, I still felt a bit of heartbreak, but I knew that things happened for a reason.

I knew that Andy had done what he had done for a reason, but I was no longer going to bother him about it, and even though in my heart I felt that I had a huge part of me missing not knowing the truth about why he did what he did, I almost decided to let it all go. Up until I finally got the answer to what I had been looking for.

Two Wednesday mornings ago, I woke to reading a blog written to me by Andy. It was an apology explaining why he had done what he did, and a few other things. When I read it, my heart fluttered and then dropped. It felt like a baby bird when it wants to begin flying, but still doesn't know how to. Reading it made me know that he had always loved me this whole time, but it also made me sad to know that all of the pain that I had gone through could have been avoided if he had just said that from the beginning.

That Wednesday was my first day back to school. As much as I tried to avoid it, the blog came coming back to me. I wanted to let go. I was confused because so many promises were broken, but yet again, Andy had come through like he always did. He broke through and once again brought upon another life lesson for me. He has done it all over again.

Friday of the same week, Andy and I talked things out.

And today, we remain inevitable. I realized that I was always in a rush for some reason or had some sort of pressure on me. For what? I honestly still don't know, but I no longer feel that rush or pressure that I used to feel. I feel patient.

I guess I always knew that I Andy would stand by me no matter what, but maybe I needed to actually see something done to understand it. At this moment, there is no rush, or impatience. I feel calm about things going on with me. And for some reason, I already know that I'm going to live a good year. WE are going to live a good year, and even a good life. All we have to do is be patient.

How long this emotion will last, I honestly don't know, but I really hope it lasts forever because I'm really loving it. My life at the moment, is very good thanks to God. Is my time finally here for things to be okay? Well, I'll find out soon. And if not, then waiting this time won't be so bad.

Thank you for reading.