Stupid Technology.

I get that we're not born with phones or iPod Touches, but really? Ha. Man, this has been a hell of a week; and it's only Wednesday.

First, phones are disconnected Monday, so I have to depend on this weak ass signal to keep me in touch with Andy and Jenny, which sucks cause it's super slow and it goes off every like half hour or so.

I also got new music on Monday from Monica's computer, and I was all excited and I made a playlist last night, and now my iPod or iTunes just deleted everything off my iPod except for my apps today. It's all acting stupid now. I don't know if it was iTunes or the iPod, but either way it sucks. That's about the only thing I had to keep me distracted. And I can't restart it either cause it just stops in the middle of it restarting.

Maybe I will go to the Y with my family today. I need it...

Hopefully things get better soon. For my family, Andy, me, and for everyone else.

I'm not a Debbie Downer, haha. I'm still hopeful, and I have faith that everything will turn out fine. It just sucks that everyone around me is going through something, and there's nothing I can do to help.

AND now, I might have to transfer over to Alta Loma High. How gay is that? Another transfer. But whatever. It's just high school to me now. Nothing to be excited or thrilled about. I just want to graduate and get start my life already so that I don't end up like this with my family. I don't want prom, or grad night, or senior pics, or a letterman jacket, or a class ring, or to go to any of the dances; I just want to finish, and get started with college and my career.

It may be sad that I see things this way, but reality is high school is just high school. In the end, it doesn't matter what you did, as long as you graduate and get a life somehow.

The Night...

is no longer young for me.


But stress and anger made it get old, ha.


I'll be back to blog soon hopefully.


Goodnight.

Playing Pretend Takes a Lot More Than Just Wigs and Make Up.

Everything is so confusing. She's confusing. I honestly don't know anymore.

The thing that I'm most angry and hurt about is that nobody ever let me have a say-so in whatever happened. Everything is always being discussed behind my back or around me. Sure, I hear about it, but then it just makes me even more angry that I've never been able to speak my mind about the whole situation.

This whole issue has been based on 'well, he said...' and 'well, she said...', but what about what I had to say?? Nobody ever bothered to ask me. I get that this whole relationship went back for a few years or whatever, but I still feel that I have a say in whatever's being done and how I've been judged by a lot of so-called 'friends'.

Apologies through text aren't fair to me. They never have been. If everyone can apologize to others face to face, then I think that I deserve to have that face to face apology too, along with the opportunity to discuss whatever happened. But no, I never got that chance.

Honestly, this whole situation is just tired for me. It's been like what, over a year and everyone is still angry? I don't know anymore, honestly. I'm just tired of it all. It's honestly stupid.

Stuck in Reality.

I've been phoneless for two whole days now : It really sucks. It's not that I'm materialistic, but it was the only thing that kept Andy and I linked together as in us knowing how we're feeling or doing and if we're okay.

Oh well, things happen for a reason I guess. Hopefully my dad's court case sends us money like asap. We need it :p

We don't even have a house phone, haha. How lame is that? Haha.

Uhh, guess we just have to wait a few more weeks. Nothing I can't handle...

We're Bringing Down the House.

Oh, yeah, we're bringing down the house alright.

We were just having a family discussion about leaving this house. I'm not gonna lie, I was mad at first, but we have to do what we have to do. My dad's a diabetic, he can't take so much stress. His blood sugar can go up, then he'll start feeling sick. My mom suffers from anxiety. She can't be stressing so much cause she gets sick, too.

Ugh, it's just so much stress. I feel desperate. Now, it's not that I just want a job anymore; I need one.

I'm honestly desperate.


jahdsgfuiha


:/

Happy Birthday, Daddy! (:

Haha, today was fun thanks to Andy<33



Took my family out to El Siete Mares restaurant in Pomona. And we all had a really great time. I love the mariachi from there; haha, I'm such a beaner :p




But I don't care, I got to sing with them and my baby; it was really fun (:
Then my grandma sang Happy Birthday to my dad, and my uncle Jose sang too!
Awww, I hadn't heard him sing in forever...



All in all, it was a great night.





We laughed, and joked, and talked, and sang the whole night. We haven't been out like that as a family in such a long time! Thank you so much, baby<33 We owe you big time!




I know my dad really enjoyed it. That was the most important thing. Thank you, my love, for everything! Muah!<333




Happy 37th Birthday, Daddy!<33
I love you<33

Cockroaches of the Sea.

Now I KNOW why they call them that!





I had to peel shrimp AND clean them out, which means touch their poop.





It was soooo nasty :/




Ew.
Aha.

And Her Name Was Happy....

It's nice to have someone that understands where you're coming from. Someone who knows what your history is. Personally, I don't like my past, but I love how I can look back and reminisce and realize how much I've changed.

I went from being this depressed, angry girl to being someone who loves life and can find a bright side to most things now. The change in my life can only be viewed as a good thing. I love God and try to put him before any decision I make more often now.

I've run into a lot of people these past few schools that I've been to and not one person has made as much of an impact on me like Andy has. I'm more than honored to call him my boyfriend and to be able to be apart of his life is simply a blessing. He has taught me so much, and I'm still learning from him. I love spending everyday with him.

And I also love how he believed that I was going to grow and make a change for myself. Nobody has ever shown so much strength in watching me grow as he has done for me. Without him, I know that I would not be the person that I am today. I may not have many friends at all, but I know damn well that this man is my best friend.

I don't care what anybody else has to say about me being in his life cause now I know why they don't like me or this relationship. They're angry with the fact that from the day he met me, we've been inseperable. He spends every second of his day with me whether it's through text or if he's sitting right next to me. Reality of this whole situation is that everyone's angry because he'd rather be spending time with a seventeen year old. Another fact is that I think I act more mature than any of his friends ever have. That kind of amazes me.

I don't need to be rude and talk crap about people behind their backs just to make me feel important or above anyone else. I'm myself I don't need the world's attention to know that I'm worthy of something. Yeah, I may not have brand new clothes or I may not be as pretty as others are, but I at least have my dignity rather than to just talk crap about something that I know absolutely nothing about and make an ass of myself.

I know that there are those out there that can't stand me, and that's okay, I don't need you in my life. But you have to learn that in life you can't always get what you want. If Andy's not in your life, then you know why. He's in mine because I was there for him and I talked to him not just when I needed him, but HE needed someone to be there. If you don't have him in your life it's because you took him for granted. You felt that he was only going to be there for you when you needed him to. Well, you were wrong.

Take advantage of the things you have because in life, you won't know what have until it's gone. That's a promise. And that's the truth. I've leaarned that. My friends have learned that. And now you've learned that. Andy isn't just a friend. He is an amazing friend that everyone wants to have. But if you can't learn to grow up and keep up at his pace, you'll lose him.

The reason why he and I don't have many friends isn't cause we chose not to. The people around us just chose to quit and not keep up. But that's okay cause in the end, it all comes down to just Andy and Debbie. I have him, which is something you all are angry about and I don't care, and he has me until the bitter end.

So go ahead and keep talking. It's your loss anyway. (:

Yay (:

It's been a while since I've blogged, haha. I miss it...

Things have been good lately. Had a friend living with me for like two days. I miss her<3 But hopefully she's doing better now.

Uhh, my phone's about to be disconnected soon, so I apologize to anyone trying to reach me in like a week or two for not answering, ha. My dad has his court case in a couple of weeks; we're anxious for that to come. It'll determine what's going to happen next month. If I'm staying here for senior year or not. Not too excited for that, but whatever God wants to give me, I will take because I love him (:

I need to get out more often though. Things with the parents are getting a bit edgy...
Hopefully I can get that job Reba's trying to get me. If not, then oh well. Nothing new, ha. I'll just have to keep trying.

Oh, and today is Andy's and my One Year and Six Month Anniversay<33 I'm so happily in love with him ((: He makes me so happy. We're supposed to go to the Olive Garden today :D Haven't been there since Valentine's Day. I'm excited, haha.

So yeah, that's pretty much it. I can't wait to start my senior year on August 10th. Finally! Hopefully I can keep up at least a 3.0 GPA, haha. Haven't done that in a while. I should be able to since four of my classes will be electives (: I'm so proud of myself for making it this far even though I didn't exactly have a 4.0 GPA all these years. But I'm here, where a lot of people aren't. And I'm gonna graduate which a lot of people don't do, ha.

Well, that's it for now I guess. Gonna go talk to my Penguin. I miss him. Didn't see him today :/

Well, goodnight (:

Big Girls DO Cry

We find it everywhere
It's deep within this ground
This life our worlds have intertwined
We learn to let it go
And we leave it all behind

To play pretend and laugh out loud
We forgive the euphoric pain
Your shattered voice
I don't want it anymore
Scream away the hurt

Let's not pretend to fight
But don't cry, let's try to let it go
I don't want to
It's what's right

To play pretend and laugh out loud
We forgive the euphoric pain
Your shattered voice
I don't want it anymore
Hush away the hurt

Pen to paper, ink to skin
Cry the letters
Except what's deep within...

Sometimes Sane Isn't So Sane...

Sometimes insanity isn't so insane
And kids aren't such a pain
A left turn can turn out to be right
But the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

A glimpse of hope is tattered apart
And then you learn it was never your heart
The other cheek has not been turned
Is this a mistake?
Are these even the right words?

Someone, anyone; Am I even alive?
Hello...? Hello...?

I give and I give; What is this world?
And how will I survive?

Maybe sane isn't so sane
And maybe perfect was never so perfect
So lost, so lost

We cry in unison...

A perfect mistake to end this equation.

Lameee.

Andy got a new phone.

And I don't know how to use it :/ ha.

One thing I STRONGLY DISLIKE.

Why does it take for someone to know that their former friend is going through something very difficult for them to actually come and apologize? I don't fucken get that.



So this whole time you knew that you messed up, but it took you a few words from someone else to go apologize to them? I don't get that.



And then you wonder why people don't like you or they give you dirty looks. They already know the type of scumbag you are, that's why. jsrdhtguiosh;lgja



You and your childish acts of innocence acting like you really do mean to apologize is honestly all bullshit to my ears.



One thing I know for sure is that you find your true friends only when you're in the worst case scenarios such as losing a house, dying in the hospital, in jail, etc.



And even if people do help you out in those situations, at least one negative thought has run through their minds. So the word and definition of friends is specifically defined.


Nobody has the definition until they leave this world.


But even if you don't, you can at least try to find it before you mess up and realize that you don't know what you have until it's gone.


All of the crap you did was commone sense and all just childish acts of selfishness. That's it. And most of the time, you proved that you still have a lot to work on.



Ugh, whatever. Just makes me mad when I hear or see stuff like this going on.



It's really pathetic to me. And they still try walking with their heads held high. Pfft!



Ha.

My New Song.

Aww, Jenny.Lynn (: She's honestly the only girl that I get along with fairly well, and I can tell her anything. I'm so glad we met. She already knows too much, so I'm not letting her go so easily, haha.

I love how we can text for like a whole day and before we know it, it's time to go to bed (:

Yeah, I know, I just met her like not even three months ago, but I know she's different from all the other 'friends' I've had. And the best thing about it is that she's a GIRL, haha.

I think it was meant for us to meet. I have never had a mature friend that's a girl. Most of the friends I had were guys. But now I have Jenny (: and she has me<33

I would write more, but I'm gonna lose signal on my computer like any minute, haha. Yeah, lame, I know. But hopefully, my internet gets fixed this weekend so I can catch up on my blogging. I miss it, ha. I love you, Jenny<3

Wow,

it's amazing to see how much one grows up in just a short amount of time.







All you need is a tiny push; the rest of the way is all up to you.






I still have a lot more to go, but I think I've gotten some of the basics down.






Thank you, my love<3