Best Accomplishment By Far.

These past few weeks have been pretty hectic and really stressful for me, and the stress will continue to happen, but thanks to this stress, I've lost 17 pounds since August.

I am now back to weighing 183, and this was all without a diet, ha.

I will be back down to my size 11 pants in no time (:

Okay,

I lied. So what? We're all human right? Well, things aren't back exactly to the way they were, but I'm working on it.

My short term goals right now are:
_Get a job
_Pass this sememster with a 4.0 GPA
_Fix everything with you<3
_Buy Christmas presents for you and my family

Yeah, it's a lot, but I believe that once I find a job, it all should be downhill from there. With the help from God, I will keep my strength, and accomplish these goals. I promise.

Unfortunately Unfortunate.

It's officially here. That point in which I feel hopeless. I feel broken. I feel alone...

Too much has happened to write about.

I kind of want to stop blogging for a while; I'm drained. My heart has never felt so much pain. I hate my life.

I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

All I want to do is sleep because dreaming is the only thing that seems logical, and fair at this point.
I hate this!!!! I want him back! I want him back! I NEED HIM.

It's not fair that the only thing stable that I have in my life gets torn away from me. I'm so depressed. I can't even leave this house. I'm so angry!

I just want to sleep. It's the only thing that seems logical at this point in life.

I won't be blogging for a while for those who care or are just being nosy.
Idk how long it will be. I just don't want to do anything right now...

I quit writing.

Have a goodnight everyone, and be grateful that you're not me.

Bye.

So, my dad's back got better. I think, ha. Thank God.


And I have lame homework that I have to get to.




Eh.




P.S. My phone just started acting up bad.

New Goal:

Pass econ with an A.

I have a test tomorrow that I know I'm gonna fail for sure, so I just know I have to work twice as hard on the next chapter.

Lame.

I will pass with an A.

Life In Perris.

It's only been a week and a half, and I already miss hearing the sound of police cars, couples fighting, and some type of birds chirping. I even miss seeing hobos on the corner of streets, ha. It's so quiet here. Don't get me wrong, it's a really nice area, but it's not my scene. I miss living in very polluted areas, and hearing a bunch of cars pass by my house. I miss not having to drive twenty minutes to the nearest Wal Mart, or Stater Bros.

And school is... uhh, small? Ha.

Okay, so after the whole 'Blue Hands' blog, I didn't go to school on Monday which was supposed to be my last day at Chaffey. I was still way too sick to attend, sadly. Which I now regret because now, I am a whole week and a half behind in econ, and I have NO IDEA what they're talking about over here.

Oh yeah, yesterday was my first day of school here in Perris. The school is called Rancho Something High. I keep forgetting. It was a long, stressful day. I have to take Health over here because it's required for graduation over here, which I find annoying because i'm stuck in a class full of a bunch of crappy sophomores. I have to take a psychology class to make up for the elective where I was a T.A. for Mr. Lewis at Chaffey. The teacher seems pretty cool though. I hope it's as interesting as I thought it would be. Econ is a pain in the butt. I feel like I'm so behind, and I'm so lost.

On the plus side, their choir seems really interesting. All of the kids in the class are really friendly, and they're really good. And they travel. They plan on going to Seattle in the spring. The down side is that it costs $750 dollars per student. And they don't do fundraisers. They want to us to pay off the trip in monthly payments until we get to $750 by springtime. It sucks for me, cause I don't have $150 to give for a deposit, and even if I did, how do I even know if I'm still going to be here by the end of the school year? It'll just be a waste of money. Their dresses cost $85 dollars as well. I'm thinking of just dropping choir for this year. It seems too expensive for my family's conditions. I don't know. It's still something to ponder deeply about.

As for Andy's and my relationship, it's gotten really tough on us. Imagine going from seeing the person you love most everyday to seeing them only on the weekends. It's really, really hard. Especially because we are the only thing each other has. I miss him more and more everyday. Yes, I do have my license, but it's still difficult for me, because my family and I only have one car. It's hard to go out and be with him for just two hours because my family will probably need the car that day for something else. And to make matters worse, I don't even have a cell phone. My family shares one phone, and the majority of the time, my brother has it, or my mom's using it to talk to my grandma and talk to others as well. I feel bad asking for it and hogging it up for a whole day. Thank God I just got Internet though. Right now, that's all I can count on. I'd be so lost without it, ha.

Oh, and to add on to my whole sob story, my dad's back is really messed up again. He can barely walk. That whole situation with his back is a big mess. I just want my dad's court case to settle already. I would explain more into detail what exactly is going on, but it's too much to explain.

Well, yeah. That's been my whole experience here in Perris for now. I know, I sound like I'm complaining a lot and that I'm not grateful for what I have, but reality is, I am grateful. We have a roof over our heads, food on the table, health (well, most of us anyway), etc.I'm really happy for that. I know that God is putting us through this all for a good reason. We just have to be more patient and see what's next, and wait for some kind of sign. In the meantime, I have to work on staying positive, being there for my family, and Andy, and trying to keep my grade up in econ. Yeah, I miss home a lot, but the only left to do is move on and keep my head held high, right?      

Blue Hands.

This weekend was no fun at all for me. Everyone's all sick in my house, and Saturday morning I woke up with a bit of a tickle in my throat, and a tiny cough. I didn't feel sick at all, and it was really hot, so I decided to go swimming with Monica...

That was the stupidest thing I've ever done, haha.

I jumped in the water, and it was freezing cold, and it was wierd cause I felt both hot and cold at the same time. I've never felt that before. I got out of the pool pretty quickly, and I still felt hot and cold. Wierd.

Then I go inside, and my clothes were still all wet, and I try to drink water, and then my brother looks at me and goes, "Why are your lips all white??" And then my dad noticed it too. Then my hands started shaking like really hard, I couldn't even hold the can of Coke that I was drinking! I was so scared, haha. And then I look down at my hands and they're blue! Then I felt like I was going to barf and then pass out. Ugh, man. Worst day ever! So I did barf, then I went upstairs, and took a two hour nap on Monica's bed, haha.

Then yesterday, I thought I had gotten better, but I guess not. Today, I missed school thanks to my stupid cough! My throat is so irritated right now. But thank God I went to the doctor today. He prescribed me some medicine for it. I hope I'm better by tomorrow cause I don't want to keep missing school.

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I Believe We Can Achieve! C-High, You Know!

Haha, that's like the school cheer. It was pretty cool to be apart of a school with so much school spirit. I haven't seen a school with so much spirit in a while. And I find it pretty cool how everyone has to attend rallies. I think that it brings more spirit and love to the school because everyone knows what their school's clubs and teams can do.

It's kind of funny how the Dance Team gets more enthusiasm than the football team, haha. But you have to admit that watching them dance is pretty entertaining, haha. I miss dancing! Maybe I'll take a dance class in the near future.

Well, looks like Monday will be my last day here. I'm not gonna lie; there are a few people I'll miss. But what's new? Ha.

The Sweetest Thing.

Aww, my baby stopped by while I was at the DMV today, and he left me a note. It said: "Hope everything goes well. I love you."

He's the sweetest. I love him. I feel amazing, and loved at this point<33

Who's Gonna Drive Me Home?

I am! Haha. Taking a driving test is the easiest thing in the world, haha. Tuls-Lana was so right. You would have to be really slow to not be able to pass it, haha. But the people there are really rude! Well, yeah, I got back like an hour ago. I'm happy. And to top it all off, I got a perfect score, haha :D

At this point in my life, I feel really good about myself. I have straight A's still to this point, I've lost 10.5 pounds, and I just got my license. I feel ready for anything I have coming my way. I'm so proud of myself, haha. I may sound a bit conceited, but I don't care. This is all the truth about the way I feel at the moment.

Next, is moving time. Let's see what God has in store for my family and us next<33

:p

Today was a pretty boring day. I've been awake since 3 a.m., and I still haven't lost any weight since last week. I'm getting really annoyed.


I think it's time for me to start working out again.




Uhh. Gross, ha.

(:

My back got better. It barely hurts now. Yay!

Tweaked.

Yeah, it's been like a week, and my back hasn't gotten any better. I'm a bit frazzled by it. But then again, I sleep on the floor, so maybe that might be my problem, ha.


Ahh, well, I just got back from school like an hour ago. Being a senior is so awesome, haha. Only five classes, and I hardly ever get homework (: I hope it's like this all year long.


Yeah, well, I'm off to do my vocabulary for econ, and then eat. Yay!

Relieved.

Every night before I go to bed, and after I wake up in the morning, I weigh myself. I just like to be sure that I'm not gaining weight throughout the week. Well, anyway, I weighed myself yesterday morning, and it read 190 pounds. I was a bit disappointed, because last week, I left off on 189.5 pounds. Then last night, I weighed myself again and the scale read 191. I freaked out for like five minutes, haha. But then, I told myself to just wait for this morning. Maybe it was all the water that I had drank; it could have been weighing me down. Well, I woke up this morning, excited to see if I had lost two more pounds. I run to the scale, and it reads 190. I freaked out again for like two minutes this time, and then remembered that I've been feeling really bloated, and I've been cramping, haha. (Sorry if there are any guys reading this.)

I calmed down, then I came to the laptop on my kitchen table, and googled it. Looks like I may be held back from losing weight for this week. Or at least half a week. I'm not sure. My body's weird. Bloating, and water retention keeps you from losing weight. This is such a relief for me, haha. I read that a lot of girls gain a few pounds during that time, and then they lose it right after they release all of that stuff being held back. I feel so relieved. I thought that this was all the weight that I could lose for some reason, haha. I almost lost hope. But thank God for Google (:

So, for now, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing, and hopefully I'll lose some weight after this thing comes and goes. Hopefully<3

Tiempo.

This is my French Poodle, Nugget.

And this was Nugget and me almost two years ago. 

It's kind of wierd to see how we bothed have changed so much. He just looks a lot more mature. As for me? I've just changed a lot inside, and out.

Gosh, time goes by tremendously fast. I can't believe this was us two years ago.

I'm proud of who we are. He's grown to be more lovable, and I've just gotten stronger.

I love you, Nugget<33