Yeah, today was not my favorite day. Too much homework and Chambers are driving me up thee wall! I am stressed out. kdjfhgoiudshg
Yeahh, just had to say that, aha. I'm super tired from last night, ha.
I love my fam. We stood up until midnight yesterday tickling each other and being loud. I love having our own house. We can be as loud as we want without worrying about who's sleeping, ha. I love it (:
Anywhoo, I'm gonna go take a nap now. I'll finish thee rest of my homework later, ha.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
First Day.
Yeah, school was pretty hectic on my first day. All my classes had to be rearranged like three times and I hardly had anytime to sit, ha.
So, now, I'm only worried about my grades. I still haven't met my physics teacher, so tomorrow should be interesting. We just had spring break. Pretty funny how I only had class for a day and then went off for vacation again, haha. Yeahh, but now I start school for real.
I am no longer nevous, just curious on how my year's going to end. I DON'T WANT SUMMER SCHOOL, haha. I need my summer for a job, ha. Anywhoo, yeahh, pretty cool that I'm back. I get all these weird looks from people. They look all confused and what not, haha. Tomorrow, I think I'll meet up with some other old people.
Deng, I almost forgot I still need to get my I.D. and books. Eh, I'll do it after school, ha.
So, now, I'm only worried about my grades. I still haven't met my physics teacher, so tomorrow should be interesting. We just had spring break. Pretty funny how I only had class for a day and then went off for vacation again, haha. Yeahh, but now I start school for real.
I am no longer nevous, just curious on how my year's going to end. I DON'T WANT SUMMER SCHOOL, haha. I need my summer for a job, ha. Anywhoo, yeahh, pretty cool that I'm back. I get all these weird looks from people. They look all confused and what not, haha. Tomorrow, I think I'll meet up with some other old people.
Deng, I almost forgot I still need to get my I.D. and books. Eh, I'll do it after school, ha.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
And yesterday,
I saw them. I saw both of them. I haven't seen them since the day we left that house. It was really difficult for me to just walk in and say hi as if nothing had ever gone wrong. So, we got out of the car and I had NO idea how to react. I was nervous. I'm hardly ever really nervous now when I have to perform, but I was yesterday. I know we were only going to do it in a 'professional way', which is just sing and get out, but it became more difficult than that.
So, yesterday was my aunt's wedding. Yeah, it was a on a Monday, but it wasn't anything too big. Just her immediate family. Anyhow, my grandma wanted us to sing during the reception, so I said 'why not?'. It was my aunt's wedding, and I knew my uncle and grandpa were going to be there, but I didn't think it would be so hard to see them again.
So, we arrived, got off the car, I was a bit nervous, but it was bareable. Then we walked across the lawn, and I saw my cousin, which is my uncle's son. He said nothing; my nervousness was still bareable. But then Andy and I stopped for a little pep talk in front of the door; my nervousness was still bareable. My grandma came to greet us and tell us to go to the garage where the reception was happening and greet everyone else. I greeted my ex-neighbors, Chris and Susan; still bareable. Then I blanked out right after that. I'm not sure who I greeted first or last, but all I could see was them sitting right across from where I was standing.
There were so many thoughts going through my mind: Do I hug them? Do I shake their hands? Do I not greet them and make them look like dumbasses? Gosh, he's aged so much in these four years that I haven't seen him... and then I felt myself running.
When I got to the restroom, I was angry. I was angry, hurt, embarrassed, and so many other things. I guess I just panicked, and my first reaction was to run. Then I heard my grandma calling my name, and then I heard Andy's voice. I had a bit of running mascara on my cheeks, so I cleaned myself up before opening the door. I told myself to suck it up and just do what I had to do. I opened the door and Andy came in. We talked for a bit about the situation and then he gave me a bit more of a pep talk and we walked out.
My grandma came to hug me and she just told me to let go. That we couldn't ruin Edith's and J.R.'s wedding. Andy, my brother, and I all ate and chatted for a bit to ease my nerves. Then came my madrina, Martha asking why I never called or visited her and what not. It made me angry knowing that these four years she could have asked my grandma for my phone number and talk to me. I just wondered why she couldn't be the one to look for me. She was the adult. We exchanged numbers anyhow, but I knew that I would never be the one to call first.
My grandpa walked in right after. I stood to greet him. It was a cold hug. At least from me, it had no sympathy for him. I introduced Andy to him and he greets him. In his Spanish speaking ways, the first words to come out of my grandpa's mouth were: "Why don't you come to visit me? I never did anything to you. They just don't let you come, huh?" I felt so much anger when he said that. If he only knew all of the hurt and pain that he cost my family, especially my mom. We have been through SO much because of him, and that's the first thing he had to say? So, then he moved over to where my brother was standing and told him that whatever happened between the adults had nothing to do with the kids. In my mind, all that was going through my mind was, "Bullshit. To everything you're saying, it's bullshit!" I simply said nothing when anyone talked to me. All most people recieved from me were shrugs and nods or headshakes. When my grandpa was talking to my brother, he was trying to explain that we were always welcome to their house and crap and he was trying to remain without crying. I could hear his voice almost crack a few times. I didn't care. So, right after this, I went out to greet my uncle/'padrino'. He didn't say much either, just as his son had done before. I don't really care.
My grandma wanted us to sing right after this, so we left back to the car to get the guitar. It felt good to walk away from it all for a few seconds. Then, we walked back and I got nervous again. I just kept telling myself, "Simply professional. Nothing you haven't done before. It's just family. Show them what you can do and what they've missed out on all these years." So, I did. Edith cried. I saw my uncle's face. He was serious. My grandpa stood behind me and wanted me to sing more when I was done. I said that I only knew the songs I had just sung. It was a lie, but I just wanted to leave already. Talking to him and just seeing him again, was too awkward. We lied and said that Andy had to go to a gig so that we could leave early. I felt bad cause it was Edith's wedding and I know she wanted us to stay, but everything was too harsh for my brother and me. So, we headed back to the car simply relieved that this had been done and over with.
The simple fact is, whatever happened in that house, made a huge impact in my life. It matured, but it also hurt my family and me in so many ways. It's been hell trying to get back up again all of these years. There is nobody who will know or understand what my family and I have gone through all these years unless they have lived exactly the same thing. I cannot hate anymore. I don't hate them. I still am very hurt and angry, but I'm letting them live their lives as if we were never there. We're all better off that way. Yes, they are my mom's family, but they really are not being what they should be. Or at least acting like it.
I thank God for all that he has given us. Only he knows where this will all end, or start. I thank him for the obstacles he has put in front of us, for they have only made my family stronger and we now only count on each other. We don't need anyone to lecture us on how to be strong and stay together. We already have that. And not only do I have that, but God has given me Andy to stand by my side through everything. He's not officially part of my family yet, but we all consider him to be. We all help each other out. Just like a family should do. A real one anyhow.
So this was what happened yesterday. Today, I just thank God for letting my whole family be alive together another day and for allowing me to face my fears. Today, I still remain standing, and will continue to go on no matter what happens.
So, yesterday was my aunt's wedding. Yeah, it was a on a Monday, but it wasn't anything too big. Just her immediate family. Anyhow, my grandma wanted us to sing during the reception, so I said 'why not?'. It was my aunt's wedding, and I knew my uncle and grandpa were going to be there, but I didn't think it would be so hard to see them again.
So, we arrived, got off the car, I was a bit nervous, but it was bareable. Then we walked across the lawn, and I saw my cousin, which is my uncle's son. He said nothing; my nervousness was still bareable. But then Andy and I stopped for a little pep talk in front of the door; my nervousness was still bareable. My grandma came to greet us and tell us to go to the garage where the reception was happening and greet everyone else. I greeted my ex-neighbors, Chris and Susan; still bareable. Then I blanked out right after that. I'm not sure who I greeted first or last, but all I could see was them sitting right across from where I was standing.
There were so many thoughts going through my mind: Do I hug them? Do I shake their hands? Do I not greet them and make them look like dumbasses? Gosh, he's aged so much in these four years that I haven't seen him... and then I felt myself running.
When I got to the restroom, I was angry. I was angry, hurt, embarrassed, and so many other things. I guess I just panicked, and my first reaction was to run. Then I heard my grandma calling my name, and then I heard Andy's voice. I had a bit of running mascara on my cheeks, so I cleaned myself up before opening the door. I told myself to suck it up and just do what I had to do. I opened the door and Andy came in. We talked for a bit about the situation and then he gave me a bit more of a pep talk and we walked out.
My grandma came to hug me and she just told me to let go. That we couldn't ruin Edith's and J.R.'s wedding. Andy, my brother, and I all ate and chatted for a bit to ease my nerves. Then came my madrina, Martha asking why I never called or visited her and what not. It made me angry knowing that these four years she could have asked my grandma for my phone number and talk to me. I just wondered why she couldn't be the one to look for me. She was the adult. We exchanged numbers anyhow, but I knew that I would never be the one to call first.
My grandpa walked in right after. I stood to greet him. It was a cold hug. At least from me, it had no sympathy for him. I introduced Andy to him and he greets him. In his Spanish speaking ways, the first words to come out of my grandpa's mouth were: "Why don't you come to visit me? I never did anything to you. They just don't let you come, huh?" I felt so much anger when he said that. If he only knew all of the hurt and pain that he cost my family, especially my mom. We have been through SO much because of him, and that's the first thing he had to say? So, then he moved over to where my brother was standing and told him that whatever happened between the adults had nothing to do with the kids. In my mind, all that was going through my mind was, "Bullshit. To everything you're saying, it's bullshit!" I simply said nothing when anyone talked to me. All most people recieved from me were shrugs and nods or headshakes. When my grandpa was talking to my brother, he was trying to explain that we were always welcome to their house and crap and he was trying to remain without crying. I could hear his voice almost crack a few times. I didn't care. So, right after this, I went out to greet my uncle/'padrino'. He didn't say much either, just as his son had done before. I don't really care.
My grandma wanted us to sing right after this, so we left back to the car to get the guitar. It felt good to walk away from it all for a few seconds. Then, we walked back and I got nervous again. I just kept telling myself, "Simply professional. Nothing you haven't done before. It's just family. Show them what you can do and what they've missed out on all these years." So, I did. Edith cried. I saw my uncle's face. He was serious. My grandpa stood behind me and wanted me to sing more when I was done. I said that I only knew the songs I had just sung. It was a lie, but I just wanted to leave already. Talking to him and just seeing him again, was too awkward. We lied and said that Andy had to go to a gig so that we could leave early. I felt bad cause it was Edith's wedding and I know she wanted us to stay, but everything was too harsh for my brother and me. So, we headed back to the car simply relieved that this had been done and over with.
The simple fact is, whatever happened in that house, made a huge impact in my life. It matured, but it also hurt my family and me in so many ways. It's been hell trying to get back up again all of these years. There is nobody who will know or understand what my family and I have gone through all these years unless they have lived exactly the same thing. I cannot hate anymore. I don't hate them. I still am very hurt and angry, but I'm letting them live their lives as if we were never there. We're all better off that way. Yes, they are my mom's family, but they really are not being what they should be. Or at least acting like it.
I thank God for all that he has given us. Only he knows where this will all end, or start. I thank him for the obstacles he has put in front of us, for they have only made my family stronger and we now only count on each other. We don't need anyone to lecture us on how to be strong and stay together. We already have that. And not only do I have that, but God has given me Andy to stand by my side through everything. He's not officially part of my family yet, but we all consider him to be. We all help each other out. Just like a family should do. A real one anyhow.
So this was what happened yesterday. Today, I just thank God for letting my whole family be alive together another day and for allowing me to face my fears. Today, I still remain standing, and will continue to go on no matter what happens.
Haha,
so I forgot to mention the fact that my mom has a tiny fracture in her ankle now, haha. She fell into the same pothole I did right after I hurt myself and went around the whole house telling everyone to be careful while we were moving stuff out of the other house, haha. Now, she has a funny limp and Andy and I still make fun of her, haha. Andy says she has a chola walk while I just say she's just trying out her pimp walk, haha. Goodtimes. What a great way to move into your new house, hahaha.
This weekend..
was e x h a u s t i n g, haha. Man o man, moving is a pain in the butt! With the boxes and the stuff we don't even need anymore, ugh! It's a BIG pain. But oh, well, we pretty much got the important things down. So now, my family and I have a house to call our own (: I am extremely happy. I just hope to God that everything works out like it's supposed to cause moving is a horrible thing to do in this life, haha. Now, I just need to get enrolled into school.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Going Back.
Uhh, yeahh, I am. I just want to make it clear that I'm going back only for myself. I'm not going for any close friendships or to mend any issues back out. I am honestly done with that. If you want to be a part of my life, you know what you have to do.
Anyway, I'm going back for my benefit. Only because I've always wanted to be in Chambers and included in the drama department. They don't have Sign Language in any other schools and forensics seems like an interesting subject to take.
I'm happy. I really am. I know that this time, I will be stronger and not let everyone else just step all over me like before. Like I've said plenty of times, and I won't get tired of saying it, Andy, my family, and God are all I need in my life period.
It may seem rude to you, but I honestly don't care anymore. I'm doing this for myself. And for those of you already talking your crap, get over it. It's senior year. After this year, the friends that you'll have left you'll probably only be able to count on one hand, if any.
So, yeah, my senior year is almost here. I'm not worried. It should be cake. Hopefully.
Anyway, I'm going back for my benefit. Only because I've always wanted to be in Chambers and included in the drama department. They don't have Sign Language in any other schools and forensics seems like an interesting subject to take.
I'm happy. I really am. I know that this time, I will be stronger and not let everyone else just step all over me like before. Like I've said plenty of times, and I won't get tired of saying it, Andy, my family, and God are all I need in my life period.
It may seem rude to you, but I honestly don't care anymore. I'm doing this for myself. And for those of you already talking your crap, get over it. It's senior year. After this year, the friends that you'll have left you'll probably only be able to count on one hand, if any.
So, yeah, my senior year is almost here. I'm not worried. It should be cake. Hopefully.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Mine.
So my senior year is finally coming up. Oh my goodness :O Haha, like I've known all this time, but it just really, really hit me today, ha. Like I was in my fourth period class today and my fourth period teacher was talking about our last performances for the end of the year, and yeahh...man, like once these seniors graduate, it's gonna be MY turn. Oh my gosh, I still cannot believe it.
I know they say that high school goes by really fast, but wow!, this was fast. I just can't believe that there's only like, what, two more months for my junior year to be done and then it's here. I don't even feel like I'm gonna be seventeen next month either. I still feel just sixteen, ha. I can still remember e v e r y t h i n g that I did in middle school, who I hung out with, what we talked about, certain dates, etc...wow. It's like it was just yesterday that I was in my house hanging out with three guys and a girl having fun laughing and being five douche bags, haha.
I guess time flies no matter what happens, huh? Well, hopefully, my senior year will be okay. I'm not scared or worried, just surprised is all, ha.
I know they say that high school goes by really fast, but wow!, this was fast. I just can't believe that there's only like, what, two more months for my junior year to be done and then it's here. I don't even feel like I'm gonna be seventeen next month either. I still feel just sixteen, ha. I can still remember e v e r y t h i n g that I did in middle school, who I hung out with, what we talked about, certain dates, etc...wow. It's like it was just yesterday that I was in my house hanging out with three guys and a girl having fun laughing and being five douche bags, haha.
I guess time flies no matter what happens, huh? Well, hopefully, my senior year will be okay. I'm not scared or worried, just surprised is all, ha.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Thoughts From the Woman Without a Brain
You know, I have to admit, moving all these years hasn't been as bad as I make it seem sometimes. Like, I've put the pieces altogether and it's kind of like it was meant for me to move. Sure, it's been tough on my family and me, but it has also matured me, and I've actually met some pretty interesting people along the way in return, including Andy. I know that a lot of people may tell us or think, 'Oh, it's just puppy love. You guys are too young to know what love really is, and blah blah blah', but my parents met their junior year in high school and married at nineteen and are STILL married to this day. So, I think Andy and I know and feel that what we're doing and the way we're going is right.
But honestly, if I would have never met him, I would honestly still be the depressed, hateful, lost girl that I used to be. I will never get tired of thanking him for all that he's done for me. I know that I'm still apart of his daily stress, but one day, I'll be able to pay back for everything he's done for me and my family. For now, I just try to keep up with his overall beautiful personality, thoughts, and love. (Thank you, baby.)
Well yeah, and as for everything else that's been pretty good is my optimistic attitude. Sure, I still have my 'Debbie Downer moments', ha, but who doesn't? Overall, I've grown to be thankful for having the little bit of things that I have in my life. Sure, I can't always get what I want, because most likely, I can't afford it, but I still thank God for the other things he's given me since I started moving: a roof over my head (which doesn't always belong to just me and my family), food on the table, health, and clothes on my back.
Like it just bugs me when people are so materialistic. I guess it all depends on how you're raised, but some people just take it too far. For example, I love technology. Computers, cell phones, and iPods are the most amazing inventions ever created, but I know people that still have it all and are still complaining. Gosh, like I wish I had my own house to live in and my own room again, but fortunately, I know better than to cry about minimal things like that. But then again, I guess I am a bit more mature for my age than others are.
My bed is a couch, my closet is a box, my house is ONE room with my whole family, but I honestly believe that living like this has brought my family so much closer and has made us grow up together and appreciate what we have. In reality, I'm honestly really grateful to the people that have allowed us to live under their roof for free. I know that sometimes, it may not seem like it, but hey, we all have to admit that living under one roof with other families can get a bit rowdy at times and frusterate everyone every now and then. But just because certain incidents happened, it doesn't mean that I'm ungrateful.
So, as you see, moving hasn't exactly been horrible, but it certainly hasn't been cake either. It's taught me that there really is no meaning behind the word 'friends'; the only ones you can really count on are those who you would never have thought would be there. Life is way too short, so you have to learn to appreciate what you have because before you know it, the things you loved or needed most will be gone in the blink of an eye. Letting go is a b**ch, but in order to move on, you have to do what you have to do.
Yeahh, so the reason I'm writing all of this is because I am moving yet AGAIN, for the 6357483 time. Ha, nah, I'm exaggerating just a little, but yeah this will be my 7th time moving and my 6th school. I'm no longer afraid or sad. I found out on Valentine's Day, but I shed not one tear. I just have a sense of security in my mind and heart that we will be okay. Like, at this point, we have NO idea where we're headed this time, but I know for a fact that everything will be just fine. I've learned to love to meet new people. And I've learned to just go to school for myself and nobody else. I'm just curious to see what my results on life will be after I graduate from wherever I graduate, ha.
I just want to show people that life doesn't always have to be horrible now matter what your situation is. Just greet every adventure you'll have coming in life with a smile and your head held high, and you'll be just fine.
But honestly, if I would have never met him, I would honestly still be the depressed, hateful, lost girl that I used to be. I will never get tired of thanking him for all that he's done for me. I know that I'm still apart of his daily stress, but one day, I'll be able to pay back for everything he's done for me and my family. For now, I just try to keep up with his overall beautiful personality, thoughts, and love. (Thank you, baby.)
Well yeah, and as for everything else that's been pretty good is my optimistic attitude. Sure, I still have my 'Debbie Downer moments', ha, but who doesn't? Overall, I've grown to be thankful for having the little bit of things that I have in my life. Sure, I can't always get what I want, because most likely, I can't afford it, but I still thank God for the other things he's given me since I started moving: a roof over my head (which doesn't always belong to just me and my family), food on the table, health, and clothes on my back.
Like it just bugs me when people are so materialistic. I guess it all depends on how you're raised, but some people just take it too far. For example, I love technology. Computers, cell phones, and iPods are the most amazing inventions ever created, but I know people that still have it all and are still complaining. Gosh, like I wish I had my own house to live in and my own room again, but fortunately, I know better than to cry about minimal things like that. But then again, I guess I am a bit more mature for my age than others are.
My bed is a couch, my closet is a box, my house is ONE room with my whole family, but I honestly believe that living like this has brought my family so much closer and has made us grow up together and appreciate what we have. In reality, I'm honestly really grateful to the people that have allowed us to live under their roof for free. I know that sometimes, it may not seem like it, but hey, we all have to admit that living under one roof with other families can get a bit rowdy at times and frusterate everyone every now and then. But just because certain incidents happened, it doesn't mean that I'm ungrateful.
So, as you see, moving hasn't exactly been horrible, but it certainly hasn't been cake either. It's taught me that there really is no meaning behind the word 'friends'; the only ones you can really count on are those who you would never have thought would be there. Life is way too short, so you have to learn to appreciate what you have because before you know it, the things you loved or needed most will be gone in the blink of an eye. Letting go is a b**ch, but in order to move on, you have to do what you have to do.
Yeahh, so the reason I'm writing all of this is because I am moving yet AGAIN, for the 6357483 time. Ha, nah, I'm exaggerating just a little, but yeah this will be my 7th time moving and my 6th school. I'm no longer afraid or sad. I found out on Valentine's Day, but I shed not one tear. I just have a sense of security in my mind and heart that we will be okay. Like, at this point, we have NO idea where we're headed this time, but I know for a fact that everything will be just fine. I've learned to love to meet new people. And I've learned to just go to school for myself and nobody else. I'm just curious to see what my results on life will be after I graduate from wherever I graduate, ha.
I just want to show people that life doesn't always have to be horrible now matter what your situation is. Just greet every adventure you'll have coming in life with a smile and your head held high, and you'll be just fine.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Mom's Birthday.
Hmm, that's pretty confusing.
When is a Leap Year baby supposed to celebrate their birthday if there's no 29th; the 28th or the first of March??
I would think it would be celebrated on the 28th because they are born in February, not March, bu then two birthdays would be happening in one day if they celebrated either way, so that's not right...
So, are they not supposed to have a birthday at all til the next time there's a 29th??
Ohh, geeze, this is confusing, haha.
So my mom just turned 37, and technically speaking, she's still 9.
Ohh, well, I already sang Happy Birthday to her and she blew out her candle on the 28th, haha.
Happy Birthday, Mommy!
I love you!
<3333
When is a Leap Year baby supposed to celebrate their birthday if there's no 29th; the 28th or the first of March??
I would think it would be celebrated on the 28th because they are born in February, not March, bu then two birthdays would be happening in one day if they celebrated either way, so that's not right...
So, are they not supposed to have a birthday at all til the next time there's a 29th??
Ohh, geeze, this is confusing, haha.
So my mom just turned 37, and technically speaking, she's still 9.
Ohh, well, I already sang Happy Birthday to her and she blew out her candle on the 28th, haha.
Happy Birthday, Mommy!
I love you!
<3333
The Shiny Pony.
I touched a horsey with shiny, glittery hooves yesterday at Victoria Gardens for the first time in my life, haha. I don't care if anyone laughs at me for it, haha, it was awesome :DD Thank you, Horsey (:
He Lost the Purple Flower I Never Bought
I stand for you; I hold your hand.
I do everything for you with no demands.
These words that flow are not to be discrete.
I want you to understand what you mean to me.
Today, we remain five worlds apart.
The relationship we shared seems to have fallen apart.
But I cannot deny that I miss you day by day
Even though our warm smiles and laughter are now five years away.
I ask for you to please not cry;
Your problems and mine are something I put aside
just to tell you that things will be alright.
I drop in on you from time to time to remind you
to hold your head high.
You once were my clover, as I was yours.
Deep down inside, our inseperable-ness will remain as obscure
as the day we first met is recorded in my mind.
It seems that life is senseless and
we both know it's inevitable.
So that is why I will tell you to
hold your mind and heart high.
Time will heal your wounds as
it heals everyone else's.
And the good Lord above will shower you
with all of his love.
I still hold you when you cry.
And I will always love you; don't ask why.
My hand remains outstretched toward you and always
remember to open the doors that contain only your name.
I do everything for you with no demands.
These words that flow are not to be discrete.
I want you to understand what you mean to me.
Today, we remain five worlds apart.
The relationship we shared seems to have fallen apart.
But I cannot deny that I miss you day by day
Even though our warm smiles and laughter are now five years away.
I dream a dream; it never ends.
That dream, I know, is for you, my friend.
How to end it, I do not know.
But I know it's time to tell you how it goes.
I ask for you to please not cry;
Your problems and mine are something I put aside
just to tell you that things will be alright.
I drop in on you from time to time to remind you
to hold your head high.
You once were my clover, as I was yours.
Deep down inside, our inseperable-ness will remain as obscure
as the day we first met is recorded in my mind.
It seems that life is senseless and
we both know it's inevitable.
So that is why I will tell you to
hold your mind and heart high.
Time will heal your wounds as
it heals everyone else's.
And the good Lord above will shower you
with all of his love.
I still hold you when you cry.
And I will always love you; don't ask why.
My hand remains outstretched toward you and always
remember to open the doors that contain only your name.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
This wonderful morning...
I awoke feeling amazingly blessed.
I love my life. I love my parents. I love my Andy. I love my brother. I love my sisters. I love my Nugget. I love you. I love my Father.
♥
Thank YOU, God<33
Monday, January 19, 2009
A Lesson In Acceptance.
"Hi ..Whore!!!!!......are you still a ..Bitch like always!?!?!?!?..
you know...ur Nickname should be ....Calories!!!!!!....hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!
ur pik is ..Ugly.. btw!!!!!!I like the flower,but ..ur face and frog fat fingers.. ..kill it!!!!..
Muah!"
Wow, it really takes you to come this low as to try to insult me about my weight to try to make yourself feel like you're above me?? Especially name-calling. Haha, really, wow! Like I've told you before, you really need to GROW UP. If you really think I'm as much of a 'bitch' as you think I am then why are you wasting your time writing to me??
Things change, Ruth. People change. And if you cannot accept that now, then you're in for a HUGE surprise in life. I have and never will wish anyone bad. I've been through way too much to let anything or anyone try to bring me down with their small-minded, hypocritical selves. Honestly, it saddens me and it just makes me feel sorry you.
So, Ruth, I just wanna wish you the best in life, and if you want to keep on leaving me your insults, be my guest. Just keep in mind that nothing or no one can bring me down any longer. And since you chose to bebelow me, then that just makes you nothing in this case. Thank you.
-Debbie
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Clusterf*ck.
I am somewhat of a mess. I am very insecure about my thoughts.
In the past four years I've moved five times. It has taken me so much time to let go of my past. The only people that I've learned how to and know that I CAN count on 1000% is my family, including my boyfriend Andy Jonathan Guzman, whom I've been with for a year now.
I am not an inch near thinness. My mind is constantly working even if it may not seem like it. I use my iPod as an excuse to not be able to not be able to hear what's going on around me. (p.s. I carry that thing EVERYWHERE with me, as well as my phone.)
I supposedly still have a Myspace to keep in touch with people who have proven to me that they honestly could give a damn about me. (p.s.s. that took me until last year to learn.)
I believe in one God, and I cannot thank him enough about giving me the gifts that I have today.
Yes, I have changed my ways of thinking A LOT, and I still will continue to change them.
I can officially be honest and tell you that I am truly happy with life at the moment. I've learned to make Optimism my best friend. I am a lot stronger than I was a whole year and half ago. My grades are finally improving. I don't mind eating in front of others as much as I did before. I've learned to adjust to my surroundings. In a sense, I guess I can say that I have grown up a bit.
Maybe it was the whole thing about having my nineteen year old best friend/boyfriend around me like 24/7 for the past year and a half. So, I thank you for that baby. Oh, and by the way, I LOVE HIM TO DEATH. People have tried to step on this relationship just because I'm three years younger. But to be totally honest... I think I have so much more to offer than any of you second rate sluts out there ever had to offer him. Yeah, I may not be the thinnest, prettiest girl for him, but he and I both know that we are meant to spend the rest of our lives together. So, I suggest you stop wasting YOUR time because Andy and I are not about ready to split anytime soon. Or possibly ever, ha. We have been through way too much crap to just let one of your judgemental little minds get in the way of our happiness.
I come off as stuck up to a lot of people. I'm really shy at first. But it only takes a few conversations to get me going. I am loud, and I can get to be a bit too much at times. I live in my own world and pretty much just live my own life. I try not to judge, but hey, nobody's perfect. I'm willing to be there for anyone, even if I barely know you, I try to be there for them the best I can.
I only have a top 2. It would be okay if I had more than that, but fortunately, my eyes have been opened to the fact that, real friends are rare to exist. If you disagree then prove me wrong. I don't view myself as too much of a bad person.
I dress how I want, but I let you go on about your day as well. This is who I've grown up to be. This is who I am. I have nothing to prove to you. The end.
In the past four years I've moved five times. It has taken me so much time to let go of my past. The only people that I've learned how to and know that I CAN count on 1000% is my family, including my boyfriend Andy Jonathan Guzman, whom I've been with for a year now.
I am not an inch near thinness. My mind is constantly working even if it may not seem like it. I use my iPod as an excuse to not be able to not be able to hear what's going on around me. (p.s. I carry that thing EVERYWHERE with me, as well as my phone.)
I supposedly still have a Myspace to keep in touch with people who have proven to me that they honestly could give a damn about me. (p.s.s. that took me until last year to learn.)
I believe in one God, and I cannot thank him enough about giving me the gifts that I have today.
Yes, I have changed my ways of thinking A LOT, and I still will continue to change them.
I can officially be honest and tell you that I am truly happy with life at the moment. I've learned to make Optimism my best friend. I am a lot stronger than I was a whole year and half ago. My grades are finally improving. I don't mind eating in front of others as much as I did before. I've learned to adjust to my surroundings. In a sense, I guess I can say that I have grown up a bit.
Maybe it was the whole thing about having my nineteen year old best friend/boyfriend around me like 24/7 for the past year and a half. So, I thank you for that baby. Oh, and by the way, I LOVE HIM TO DEATH. People have tried to step on this relationship just because I'm three years younger. But to be totally honest... I think I have so much more to offer than any of you second rate sluts out there ever had to offer him. Yeah, I may not be the thinnest, prettiest girl for him, but he and I both know that we are meant to spend the rest of our lives together. So, I suggest you stop wasting YOUR time because Andy and I are not about ready to split anytime soon. Or possibly ever, ha. We have been through way too much crap to just let one of your judgemental little minds get in the way of our happiness.
I come off as stuck up to a lot of people. I'm really shy at first. But it only takes a few conversations to get me going. I am loud, and I can get to be a bit too much at times. I live in my own world and pretty much just live my own life. I try not to judge, but hey, nobody's perfect. I'm willing to be there for anyone, even if I barely know you, I try to be there for them the best I can.
I only have a top 2. It would be okay if I had more than that, but fortunately, my eyes have been opened to the fact that, real friends are rare to exist. If you disagree then prove me wrong. I don't view myself as too much of a bad person.
I dress how I want, but I let you go on about your day as well. This is who I've grown up to be. This is who I am. I have nothing to prove to you. The end.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
