I'm curious.

I wonder who's outside with my parents. Ha.





Man, today was pretty blah.




Arguments are no fun.



And I'm pretty tired of this old laptop. It's so slow now.



I want the Sims 3 for my iTouch! Haha.




Deng, I sound all winey. Ew.



Well, I'm off for right now.



Bye.

Eh.

That's my mood right now, ha.

Looks like I'm starting school at Chaffey. School starts in about a week from now. I'm semi-excited cause I'm getting out of the house finally. But I know eventually I'm going to have to move. So, that might suck. Especially if I really like the new choir teacher at Chaffey, and then I'll have to leave. I'll be like bummed out for about five minutes though. But it's all good. I'll get over it. I just hate moving in the middle of when I'm barely getting settled in.

My dad picked up my class schedule and they aren't even what I need. I still need a sixth to make up the 2.5 credits I'm behind, and I didn't want art. I wanted Sign Language and Forensic Science. Looks like I'm spending my first day of school in the counselor's office. That's nothing new, haha. Like seriously, every year that I start, they mess up my schedule and I end up in the counseling office for the majority of the day, haha. I find that funny and wierd.

Well, here's to the new school year. My senior year. Hopefully this year, I can prove to my parents that I'm more than what they think I am. I hope. Ha.

What A Night.

I'm so sleepy now.




And my head hurts.





But I get to see Jenny today for like an hour (: haha.
I miss her.




And Andy's spending the night<33
I feel like I haven't seen him since the beginning of time, haha.
I miss him that much; and I only didn't see him for one day.




That is true love.





Haha.





<33

One Month

from now, I will have my driver's license :O
August 27th to be exact, ha.





Well, hopefully, haha. I'm not 100% positive that I'll pass the test. I'm more like 87% sure that I'll pass it. Haha.





I'm nervous.




But I think I can do it (:

Eh,

I take that back.

Don't add or follow me. I don't like Twitter. It's lame.

Haha.

I'm deleting my account.

Twitter.

I made one today, but I don't really understand the concept of it.



Haha.



If you have one, 'add' me? Or it is 'follow'? Haha.


I don't even know.


I wanna go to the movies today (:


Maybe I'll rent one.


Ah, we'll see I guess, haha.


Later.

Standing in the Dark.

Yesterday, I had a talk with my dad. We still have no idea where we're going. Most likely, we're going to end up in Rialto. We have enough money to let us stay here for another month, which would mean I start school at Chaffey, but I honestly don't want to. I hate starting school smack in the middle of a semester or quarter. Then my grades suffer because of it, and I have to do a lot of catching up.

So, my dad wanted to know my opinion. Honestly, I don't care what happens. I just want my parents to stop stressing, especially my dad cause he's the one that struggles the most to try to keep us going. I think that moving to Rialto would be a better chance for us to better everything out. The plus sides: (a) I'll live literally like 7 minutes away from Andy (b) I like Rialto High; I went there my whole sophomore year. It's a nice school, AND I won't be so new there (c) $4 dollar movie theatre by Ike, haha.

But besides everything else that I listed, it's mostly for my family. I just want everything to be better. That's what I told my dad.

My dad told me that he wants us to be happy too, but in reality, I am happy. I'll live if I don't go to Chaffey and graduate from there even though I really wanted to stay in choir over here, and do the plays my senior year, but if we move, it's because God wanted it that way. And you can't question what the Big Man wants for you. I'm honestly happy with where I stand in my life, wherever I go. It doesn't matter. Nothing can bring me down. All that matters to me now are the important things. I just want to graduate and get everything done. I'm honestly just exhausted with changing schools, but it has it's plus sides like meeting new people.

The whole truth is that I just want my family to be happy, and whatever and wherever we go or do, I know that it's only a step closer to getting us out of this big hole that we're trapped in.

Well, anyway, I think my dad felt a bit of relief that I'm a bit more grown up and I see things in a different perspective now. I think that was like a weight lifted off his shoulder that I wasn't going to be too much of a burden when he says the words 'we moving' again.

So, yeah, that's my status on my whole thing on where I'm going to be next. I have like two weeks before my family actually decides where we're going. And they better decide fast cause school starts on the 10th, haha. I don't want to start off as being the new kid.

She Delt With the Devil!

Haha, we played Monopoly two times again last night.

Andy won the first time, but only cause he was ripping all of us off. Pfft! $3,000 for the yellow square, haha. It was fun though.

And then Monica kept getting what she asked for everytime she rolled the dice, haha. Andy called her the Devil's child, haha. He said she dealt with the Devil overnight, haha. She won the second time.

I will win at one point!

Haha.

Mine!

Haha, today was fun. Monopoly with Andy and Monica will be continued tomorrow, and I will not quit this time, ahaha.

Oh, yeah, and tomorrow I have to go pick up my schedule for senior year. I'm somewhat excited (: but looks like we're not staying here for much longer.

Today I heard something about an apartment in Victorville. Boo.

Eh, whatever.

Hopefully things change for us. I really don't want to leave here. But then again, I'll take whatever God thinks is best for us.

Well, goodnight.

:|

Mmmmm, ahhh!





I hate being poor. Ha, nah that's not true.


"Having nothing builds character!"
Haha. Hairspray; I love that movie (:


Well, I can't start that diet until we get money to buy the right foods which won't be until the 3rd of August. This is lame. I just have to power walk for now, and wait til then. I really need to do this though. I feel that everyday that goes by I'm doing more damage to my body.



Ahhh!



I have to be strong for now, and just be smart about this whole situation. The third isn't too far from now.

Thriller.

Yesterday would have been a great day if I wasn't so tired and menstrual, haha.

I went to my little sister, Isabel's, basketball game. The kids are getting better, but they still lost. The little monsters from the other team were all mad for the first half cause my sister's team wasn't letting them shoot, haha. But then they got slaughtered the second half, aha. Oh well. At least they're improving.

I like that my dad and Andy are coaching. It really gives my family time to be together and have something to do. It's like a time away from our problems cause our head is focused on the kids on the team. And I also love watching Andy coach, haha. He's so good with kids. I always tease him and tell him that all that medical training he's doing is going to be for nothing cause I bet he's going to end up as a teacher instead, haha. He just laughs and says no.

(Watching how the kids are improving also makes me happy. I've always liked to watch people grow and progress in anything. It makes me excited and happy to see their face when they finally get to accomplish what they want. Oh no, haha, maybe I'll end up being a teacher. Haha, nah. I don't hate kids anymore, but I don't love them either. Haha.)

After the game, Andy, Rene, and I went to Ontario Mills, and I went shopping (: I haven't done that in forever! I bought this cute navy blue tunic, and a black V-neck, and muscle shirt at Forever 21, of course. Then we went to Hot Topic, and they had just brought out some Michael Jackson shirts. Rene and I bought one cause they were only $15, which is really cheap for Hot Topic and the shirts being about Michael Jackson. Mine was better though, haha.

Then we went to eat at In n' Out, and we came home. Andy practiced his song for church, and I was trying to help him. Then we knocked out for like two hours, haha. We woke up at around 5 o' clock and then he had to leave, and he dropped us off at my aunt's house where they were having this ceremony thing to raise money for a church in Mexico I think.

Okay, so we get there and my mom was helping my grandma with her little tostada stand thing by just collecting the money the customers were giving. Then she's all "Hey, stand here and help your grandma with the money. I have to go to the bathroom." so I just said okay cause I thought it was only gonna be for like five minutes. Well, I ended up helping her for the rest of the night, ha. It felt good being there. I felt like I was doing it for a good cause. Then my aunt gets there like at 8 o' clock. I wanted to leave right after that, ha. She started drinking and acting all like nothing happened. I gave her the cold shoulder. I think she noticed it. I don't care.

Then I came home like around 10:23. I was exhausted! Andy and I knocked out again for I think like two and a half hours. I was not feeling well at all, aha. He went home, and I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up at 8:30 today, and I feel good. I feel like going out somewhere like the movies or something. Hopefully Andy feels better and we end up going (:

So that was my whole Saturday. It would have been a good day if only I wasn't cramping, and I was feeling way better, but overall, if I would have been feeling good, it would have turned out to be a great day (: Ha, this was a pointless blog, but I don't care. It felt good to write about my day.

Ahahahaha!

How do you feel you're so confrontational when in reality, everyone else is the one doing the confronting??? Haha!

You just keep hiding behind your big ass mouth thinking that it speaks 'the truth', when in reality all that comes out of it is shit.

You really need to get over yourself.

We've been living happily without hearing from you all this time. I'm more than positive WE'LL live.

You fucken swear that the whole world is dying to have you as a friend. With your big ass mouth, I'm surprised Andy hasn't kicked your ass. Haha!

Nobody cares what you have to say about what the person sitting next to you is wearing.

You say you KNOW who you are, but it's really sad actually cause reality is you're lost, haha. That's why you hide behind your big ass mouth. You're so insecure of who you are that you end up criticizing other people that act just like you, haha.

And you just keep running your mouth. Let's see how far it'll take you in the future, aha!

Andy DID open his mouth when he needed to. That's actually the only time he would want to talk to you, aha! That's why HE confronted you. Not the other way around. See, that's another thing, you DON'T say is the truth. That's why he called you a LIAR too. You try to make yourself look good through shit that isn't even true.

And no one's counting her out as fake either because she 'played YOU' like you would say. You're saying that Andy's the one that's going to end up with people that aren't there for him when in reality, you're the one who's already in jeopardy because YOU'RE the one hanging out and talking to people that you think are your friends and in reality they're stabbing you in the back, talking shit about you and telling us everything that you have to say about me or him, like she just did.

Andy doesn't need anybody fake like you or her in his life which is the reason HE stopped talking to both of you in the first place. So if you want to go there, the only one that's going to realize they're wrong is you. And that's if and when you get over your high school years and drop your balls because apparently you're still not over them, but of course, that wouldn't happen anytime soon.

You sit there and c r i t i c i z e-- and yes, that is the only thing you do; you c r i t i c i z e. You don't speak 'the truth'-- others for acting like they're still stuck in high school when in reality you fit in right along with them. That's right. You're just as low as they are.

But the saddest thing now is that I'm only seventeen years old. Still in high school, but I'm way more mature and way more secure about myself than you'll ever be.

We really hope YOU enjoy your life with your world full of 'the truth' and all of the little friends that you pretend to trust because all the good ones, like Andy, are out of your life, haha!

Eventually, you'll come back around to that stupid little blog you posted and realize that the only fake was YOU.

Ha!

A Few Things.

1. I love my life, and the point it's in. I'm not going to lie, I'm in a tough spot, but our weaknesses are what make us stronger.
2. The reason I don't regret anything that I've done in my life is because I believe that mistakes are to be learned from. Not something to be ashamed of.
3. I used to be doubtful that God existed until one day the deacon from St. Joseph Church asked me "But if there really was a Heaven and a Hell? And there really was a God? Would you rather go to Hell because you didn't believe? Or would you rather die knowing that you're saved because you believed?" That was my 8th grade year.
4. Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror and I don't like what I see-- not on the outside, but on the inside-- so I try to change the things I dislike instead of putting myself down about it.
5. I've always been the type to laugh at the mistakes I've made in life or when I mess up. I don't really get mad cause then I know that in a month or so I'll be laughing at whatever I did wrong.
6. To be honest, I'm hardly ever quiet. I laugh, talk, and just am loud. It's who I am. Sometimes when I do get quiet though, it's either because I'm tired, in my own world, or something's wrong.
7. When I perform, I get really nervous even though I've been doing it for five years now. It's still something I really need to work on.
8. I used to be really depressed, angry, and I hated everything. Then I met Andy, and he turned everything around for me. Thank you, baby.
9. Haven't had a stable home in almost four years. I move a lot due to financial reasons, but I'm never afraid to put it out there.
10. People get annoyed by me because I tend to care too much for them. Sometimes I get annoyed with myself for caring too much for people who don't care that I care about them, so I just don't care for them anymore.
11. I have many expanding branches in the artistic department. I love to sing, write, perform, read, and not many people know this but I have a pretty good hand to draw. I stopped drawing at the end of my seventh grade year. It was just something I didn't want to do. I prefer drawing abstract figures.
12. Depending on what I'm doing, I tend to not be organized in a lot of things I do, but the funny thing is I always know where I can find things.
13. Nugget is my French Poodle. Even though he smells, and can't see cause his hair's too long, I love him cause he keeps me safe in my house. I call him a 'dumb doorbell' cause sometimes he barks when people are only passing by my house.
14. If I spend too much time at home or by myself, I start to focus on the little things around me. Even what I look like, so sometimes I have to do my hair and put on a bit of make up to make me feel pretty.
15. I contradict myself a lot, but I guess it's cause I'm still growing up and trying to figure things out.
16. I don't care much for politics or history.
17. Secretly, I like moving now. I used to hate it cause I was retarded and thought that the friends I had were my life. The truth is, they weren't. So now, I love meeting new people and I have a variety of friends in Victorville, Ontario, Rialto, and Fontana.
18. Just because I say the word 'friend' doesn't mean you or they really are my friend. It's just a shorter word than 'acquaintance'.
19. Being blunt is unnecessary. The people who say they're blunt and don't care what people say, and can say what they want because everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and freedom of speech, etc. are lying when they say they don't care what anyone has to say, because once they hear that someone says something about them, they say what they think about the person. Why would you talk about the person if you wouldn't care?
20. Letting go is one of the most difficult things that I've ever done in my life. It was difficult for me to go from having everything to having nothing, but change can be done. Accepting it is another thing.
21. I get attached to people very easily. I'm working on not getting so attached though.
22. Even though I say random things, it doesn't mean I'm dumb. I say random things because my mind is consistently working throughout the day.
23. My focus has sucked lately. I have to work on it more.
24. People who don't appreciate what they have are ridiculous. Same goes for people who are dying to have more than what they already have. You won't appreciate what you have until it's gone. I learned that the hard way.
25. Sadly, I'm more mature than a lot of others that I've met my age. I'm seventeen by the way. The majority of the people I meet are all older than me.
26. I come off as quiet when I first meet people. But if you notice, I'm still friendly in the way that if you talk to me, I respond with a strong voice, a smile, if you tell a joke that I find funny, I'll laugh along, and if you're talking about a certain subject, I'll try to relate so that I can get a conversation going.
27. When I get nervous, I get too loud, or I ask a lot of questions, or I don't say much, and bite on my fingernails.
28. One of the worst habits I have is procrastination. I always do my projects all last minute, or I end up asking for an extension date.
29. From grades 2-9, I was a GATE (Gifted And Talented) and HONORS student. That all went down the drain after my sophomore year.
30. I'm only behind 2.5 credits. I will be graduating next May of 2010. Can't wait. Then my life starts for real.
31. I don't like to have too much sunlight in the house. It gives me headaches.
32. The majority of my family sleeps on the floor.
33. The most important things in life are the smallest things in life.
34. One of my most favorite things to do is to watch movies. I love to get lost in a story that isn't mine. Sometimes I really need it.
35. My iTouch is always with me, unless Andy has it. Without it, I would go crazy. Music keeps me sane. It's like my life contains it's own soundtrack. I listen to almost everything, so I have a song that suits almost every moment that happens in my life.
36. I am a very loveable, understanding person. I love to give hugs, and I love to greet you like I haven't seen you in years just because I love being around you.
37. The majority of the people I dislike, which would be around two or three, aren't because I judged them before knowing them. I dislike them because they (a)chose to judge me (b)have taken advantage of my friendship (c)have a lot they need to work on character-wise.
38. I don't hate anyone. I dislike them, but I look at it this way: what if that person wasn't here tomorrow? How would you really feel if they weren't?
39. I'm learning to swallow my pride when it comes down to apologizing or fixing a situation.
40. When I argue with someone, I try to fix things before the day ends because the only regret that I would have if anything happened to that person after we parted would be that I couldn't tell them or show them that I loved them because we were in a disagreement.
41. I hate it when people have a bitter relationship with their 'loved one' and then they see my relationship with Andy-- how he brings me roses on random occassion, opens the car door for me, etc.-- and they tell me that it all ends when you get married and last years together. Just because you have a bitter relationship, it doesn't mean that's how mine is going to end up.
42. I also hate it when people can't take blame for what they do. When they have too much pride to admit they're wrong. Especially when the other person actually admits their mistakes and apologizes.
43. My family comes first. No matter what.
44. My parents are high school sweethearts. They met at Chaffey High School their junior year, and have been together for nineteen years, and married for almost seventeen.
45. My mom was pregnant from me at nineteen and had me at twenty. My dad was the same age. And believe it or not, I was planned. And so were my younger brother, Rene, and two sisters, Isabel and Adriana.
46. Personally, if Andy and I end up married and get to have a baby, I honestly believe that our kids will be smart, and that we will be really good parents. Our foundations are both strong.
47. My parents have been there for me together since day one. Therefore, I got straight A's in elementary school.
48. People that are too clean and are always criticizing others for how they live are a pain in the ass.
49. I randomly laugh sometimes for no reason.
50. Now, it is 6:17 a.m., and I should be in bed now, but I'm not, so I'm just going to stop writing now so that I can get ready for later.

!

kjsdhgilsh;aoireo;rthyo;uhs




Sometimes, being a girl is frusterating, ha.




It may seem kinda odd, but I secretly wish I had a penis at times for like five minutes, haha.
And not for nasty stuff either, aha.




Being menstrual really sucks ass, ha.




It seems to get worse every month...
I think I'm broken.
Haha.

Let's Talk Crap.

There's this girl I know that is overweight. She's lazy. Doesn't like to exercise, and her will power isn't too strong. Her dad is already a diabetic, and her mom is prone to becoming one in the future as well. You would think that her becoming diabetic even before she hits her thirties would have run through her mind already. Her weight is 198 pounds, and she is 5'0" tall. That is a lot of weight for a small body type like that. She did the research, and it turns out that she is obese for her body type.

The funny thing is she knows everything she has to do to lose weight. Exercise, eat right, etc. And the other funny thing is when she says she's gonna start the dieting, but then in about two or three weeks goes back to her old ways all over again and gains the weight back...

This girl is me.

I don't want to be this anymore. Almost two years ago, I used to fit into a size 11 pant. Two years later today, I fit into a size 15 and I think I'm still gaining weight. I also weighed 160 pounds. Since then, I've gained almost 40 pounds.

This whole blog isn't about me worried about how I look. I know that no matter what size or shape you are, you're beautiful. It's the inside that counts. This whole blog is about me being healthy, which is one thing I'm not, and really have never been. For a person my height, I should weigh at the most 130 pounds. I am 70 pounds overweight. That's a lot, but I never did weigh what I was supposed to. I've always been overweight, since I can remember.

When I was younger I used to get a lot of crap from my mom because I was always overweight. Did I eat a lot? No. It's all just a lack of physical activity. I just never understood how my mom thought that negative comments would help anything. It just made me feel worse. It made me angry and want to do less and eat more so she could really talk her crap. I know my mom never meant to hurt me, cause that's how her whole family is. They like to 'bag' on people. (I guess that's where I learned not to make fun of people because I never liked it. And up to date, I still don't pick on people about their physical features. It's mean, and it may hurt their feelings and lead to other things.) In my case, I never found it funny to be made fun of. I used to cry myself to sleep cause I didn't want to be fat anymore. This was around the age of 11.

At the age of 11 I was worried about what I looked like and what clothes hid my fat the best. No lie. I don't know about you, but I still think that's really young to be worrying about stuff like that. I stopped wearing shorts and skirts because I felt my legs were too fat for them, when they really weren't. So even to date, I won't wear a skirt past the knees or shorts. It's just something I'm not comfortable with anymore.

Eventually, my sophomore year came, and I went about my weight a whole different way. And maybe cause I also had a lot going on at home, my weight stood at about 160. At the moment, I didn't realize what I was doing to myself. I felt that I should only eat when I got hungry. So I would never eat breakfast or lunch at school. I got really sick a lot of the time, and mean headaches. Toward the end of the school year, I had missed a lot of school because of it. I started eating lunch at school when Andy and I started going out. He would always make me eat, haha. But thanks to him, I guess, I also gained weight.

Yesterday, I found my phone from Sprint and was looking at all the pics I had in there, I was so much thinner. 40 pounds makes a huge difference. I showed Andy, and we discussed the whole starving situation which was the reason I was about 160 at the time. He said he would rather have me be the way I am now than to having me starve myself just to stay thinner. I found that I also liked not starving myself. I don't get headaches now, and I don't almost pass out during passing periods anymore.

Yeah, I'm better off not starving myself, but I'm also better off fixing my dieting habits. So, I was looking up different diets that aren't dangerous and actually involve doing things naturally. A lot of people have heard of this one. It's called the military diet because men in the military use it to get to a certain weight class. I really think anybody can do it. It's healthy, not very costly; it consists of most things you probably already have at home, and all you have to do is exercise. You can lose up to 10 pounds in three days. It sounds unreal, but I think it actually might work. I'm gonna give it a try.

Of course there's also more stuff you should know if you wanna try it. Google it. I would tell you myself, but I'm in a bit of a hurry now, haha. Sorry.

The point is that I want to be somewhat healthy. For now, my goal is to lose at least 6 pounds on that diet. And if I lose more weight, it's all for the better, haha. But if I see it really does work out for me, I'm gonna keep doing it, and I'm gonna keep updating on how I'm doing. I really hope this works out for me. My body really needs it. I don't want to be a twenty-year-old diabetic, and thin out my chances of being able to grow old without it.

I want to prove to myself that I can do this the healthy way, and not starve myself. I want to prove my parents wrong and make them have faith in me again. I want to do this mostly for myself.




(: